Disease Prevention Advocate, Alternative Medicine Practitioner, Certified Holistic Health and Wellness Coach, Domestic Abuse Survivor Narcissistic Kids — Adults
Hi guys, how are you? My name is Gabi. Welcome again to my channel Today I’ll talk to you about a subject that is a little heavy and sad because if you have kids, and saw that child that you love so much to grow up; you nursed that child, took care of him/her and now… you have realized that that child – this adult – whom you took care of and loved so much for so long – have become a narcissist. That’s what I’m talking about today. Ready? So… What to do? How to react to this? What to think about this? A lot of you get in touch with me with a heavy heart, suffering… because, imagine this, the child or person that you have taken so much care of and loved, giving unconditional love, suddenly that same person is doing horrible things to you, trying to take revenge on you for things that you haven’t done; making you feel guilty for things that you aren’t guilty of but that you can’t help it but feel like a failure. You feel like you are a failure of a mother or a failure of a father who can’t make your own child love you. That should be a natural thing, right? It IS a natural thing.when it comes from a person who isn’t a malignant narcissist. A person who feels this love, this gratitude this unconditional love, for their mom, dad, or child. But that’s not the case. The truth is, when the narcissist is you adult kid they end up manipulating their parents a lot, just to get whatever they want Many times, they even make their parents sign things that the parents don’t want to sign just to take advantage of them in the future. They sabotage their parents a lot because they use the love that their parents feel for them. They know that their parents feel an unconditional love for them; don’t you think that they don’t know. They know that their parents would do anything for their kids; just like any other parent would do anything for their kids, do you agree? But when your kid is a narcissist these narcissists use your love against yourself just like any other narcissist does. They figure out that we love them and use this same love against us. But when this has to do with you own narcissistic child They KNOW, they don’t have any doubt, that you love them, right? When it is a romantic relationship, or with your boss, that person still has to love bomb the other to be able to win the person’s love so that they can get their narcissistic supply. Because they are your kids, they don’t even need to love bomb you, because what you feel for them is unconditional and don’t need to do anything for you, or to you, to win that love. That’s why I think it may hurt even more when it comes from kids because, image this, you love your kid unconditionally you took care of him/her, loved him/her, did everything you could; you sacrificed yourself for your kids. You may have quit your job to take care of your kids, or maybe you took on another job to be able to take care of him/her.
Only you know what you had to do And now you are suffering with all of this because this same son/daughter is using the love that you feel agains yourself. He/she is manipulating you. Emotionally blackmailing you What can I say to you? The message isn’t easy to say, because it’s not what you want to hear, unfortunately… that people get better, that people will get better But as you already know, when we talk about malignant narcissists; if you know your kid is a malignant narcissist, already being able to identify that disorder, or if your kid has seen a a psychiatrist and got that diagnosis Well, you know that unfortunately this will be something you are going to deal with forever. You’re gonna have to decide for yourself what is best for you to do. Because I, as a daughter of a narcissist, I know how difficult that is for me to have a narcissistic father, but I can imagine having a narcissistic child, after pouring so much love into that kid for so long, watching the kid grow… And you may even end up feeling guilty, thinking that you may have turned your kid into a narcissist. But you need to think that sometimes, as I mentioned in another video, the one talking about young narcissistic kids (I’m gonna put the link up here for you) Many times, it wasn’t a parent who turned a person into a narcissist. Many times, it may have been another person in the kid’s life; a teacher, a grandfather or grandmother So it may not have had to do with you, so don’t make yourself feel guilty. Besides, you can’t turn back time, so why punish now? What you need to learn now is to make peace with how you feel right now and accept this current situation. That’s the only way you’ll be able to start to get better, accepting your current situation; accepting that this person has become a malignant narcissist, and that’s not gonna change. And every time you choose to interact with him/her you are going to suffer. The more you choose to stay with this person, your son or daughter, the more you’re going to suffer. Even with a father, or romantic relationships, boyfriend, girlfriend, we suffer with their void, because they are people we love right?
So even when we choose to stay away… Well, we know that if we get too close to them we are going to suffer But we also know that if we stay away we will also suffer, especially if it’s a father or mother who have unconditional love to give to their child But that’s something that YOU need to think about What’s going to make you happier, knowing about all of the situations and all of the information… What’s gonna make you happier? That’s what you need to think about Because your narcissistic son knows, and what’s gonna make them happy is to have you around them so that they can manipulate you and get what he wants and supply from other people making of you a “flying monkey” or making you a “escape goat” or giving you whatever role that he wants you to have in his family for him to get what he wants. They are going to USE you (that’s a perfect word) to get whatever they want without having any remorse of whatever they say to you; they will call you names, as they probably already have otherwise you wouldn’t be watching this video. They’ll call you names and tell you that they hate you… because they know that that makes you suffer, and that’s what feed their souls, what gives them supply. Just so that later you will be the one being sorry, pleading to them that you are a good mom; that you are trying, giving your best… That’s what they want to hear: that you are trying so hard to be a better mom. But you are the BEST MOM IN THE WORLD, if you are dealing someone like this. Or the BEST DAD IN THE WORLD if you are dealing with someone, your child, like this. Only by you being close, taking care, trying, dragging yourself… that’s been more than enough. If that person still doesn’t see your value… You are the one who’s going to have to make that decision having self-respect, self-love, self-compassion, the self-esteem that you lost. You need to find that self-esteem so that you can do what’s best for YOU. What’s best for you?
Establish limits. If you don’t want to stop having contact with your kid because it hurts too much, then establish limits. Something like, “I’ll call him/her only once/week.” But don’t go over that.
Or maybe, “Every time he/she calls me, I wont talk to them more than 5 minutes.” Establish your limits and comply to those limits because then at least you’re going to feel in control of this situation somehow… and it’s not gonna hurt as bad. Because you are going to be giving yourself something, supplying YOUR need of contact with your son. (Because it hurts… I can imagine how much it hurts) But at the same time, you won’t expose yourself so much to this situation, allowing it to hurt even more. But if you can have NO CONTACT, if it’s something that you think that is best for you, DON’T FEEL GUILTY for this.
Do what’s best for you. Ok?
Keep this message with you God bless you We’ll stay in touch.
Big hug.. see you later! Bye!