(sniffles) – I have to sneeze, hello. (sniffles) Get out, hello? Oh it’s right there. It’s gone. Hello everyone, I’m Colleen Ballinger and I’m going to talk about my body today. I have been on a wild journey with my body over the last year and I
thought it would be important to talk about it. A lot of times the only
thing that you can find on bodies after pregnancy online are like bodies who got into shape really quickly and so I thought it would be
good to show another version. But every single body is very different. So I’m just gonna show you
what my body looks like and what my experience has been, so don’t compare yourself to me. Compare yourself only to yourself. Don’t compare yourself to other bodies and women out there because
we are all beautiful in how we are. So even if you haven’t
had a baby (chuckles), I think this video is important to watch because I went through kind
of a weird mental journey with my body while I was pregnant and I feel like it’s
something that would be cool if we could have a discussion about just women and our bodies and what we think our
bodies should look like. And men too, I notice that
there’s a lot of expectations with how men’s bodies are
supposed to look as well but moreso with women. I feel like anyone could
relate to things I’m gonna talk about in this video and also
it can open up a discussion for anybody, but before I get into it, I wanna say if you came
here to be negative, if you came here to be mean,
if you came here to be cruel, if you came here to be hateful, you can just scoocha-pooch right away from this video because we don’t want your negativity in our space. This is a place for kindness and love in the comment section below, so please do not be mean to each other once we open up the discussion about body love and body acceptance. Thank you, so, I had a
baby almost two months ago and I had a very large pregnancy. So I’m gonna take you through my body and what it went through and
what my mind went through from pre-pregnancy, during
pregnancy and now post-pregnancy because wow, women’s
bodies are really awesome and amazing and also just nuts. Like the stuff that
your body goes through. My body now has changed significantly from before I was pregnant and
I think a lot of people think that oh you just work out and eat right and your body goes back to how it was, but no, my body will never
be back to how it was. It is very changed. I’m gonna talk about all the
things my body went through. So before I was pregnant, I was 5’6″. I’m still 5’6″ but I weighed 117 pounds. I consider myself to be
underweight before I was pregnant. When I was at that weight, I did not think I was underweight. In fact I remember thinking
I could lose weight which is insane because I
was super, super skinny. But I didn’t think so at the time. I never thought I was skinny
enough which is so nuts ’cause look at this picture. I remember looking at
this picture and thinking, oh I have like a little bit of
extra meat on my tummy here. I don’t wanna post this. Which is where, like I
remember having that thought and now I look at that picture, I’m like what was I thinking? Clearly I had some issues
and I probably still do but then I got pregnant
and when I got pregnant, as you all know, I was very miserable. Not only physically, I
was in excruciating pain in every part of my body but
mentally and emotionally, I was just kind of a wreck. Pregnancy really did a number on me, like I was really
depressed, I hated myself, I hated the way I looked,
I hated everything about the whole experience
and on top of that, I was so, so much in pain. Like holy smokes I was in pain and it was the entire nine months for me. Now every pregnant woman is
different so some women go through pregnancy and love the whole thing and it’s amazing and they feel good. I did not have that experience. And my body really took
a toll on my pregnancy. I was so miserable that the only thing that brought me enjoyment when
I was pregnant was eating, so I ate 70 pounds worth of food. That’s right, I gained almost 70 pounds when I was pregnant and I
wasn’t trying to gain weight, it was just that I was so
miserable, so unhappy with myself, with my body, with my mind, with everything I was going
through that I just ate. I ate and ate and ate. I was eating like probably
five or six full meals a day, like I was constantly eating and I ended up gaining almost 70 pounds. This was really hard for me
because I had always thought that I was this girl who was body positive and like all bodies are beautiful and no matter what shape
you are, what size you are, you’re perfect, but once
I started gaining a bunch of weight, I started to
hate the way that I looked and so I was angry with myself
because I was like wait, I’ve always loved every woman’s body and I’ve always thought
women are beautiful no matter what their shape or size is and I’ve always preached
that and believed that so how come now that I’m
gaining all this weight, I don’t feel beautiful anymore? And so I felt like a hypocrite, I felt so disgusted with
myself that I couldn’t accept a bigger size body on myself, I couldn’t accept seeing the weight gain on my scale every day. Like it made me sad that I was
upset about gaining weight. Like I didn’t want to be upset about that, I wanted to love my body no
matter what the situation was. But it confused me because
I can look at any woman in the the world and go
wow, they’re beautiful. Their body’s beautiful. I see really big women,
I think they’re stunning and I see really little women
and I think they’re stunning. I see people right in the middle and I think they’re stunning and perfect. I see every woman’s body
and I think they’re stunning and beautiful and perfect
and should embrace and love their body as it
is and I truly believe that. But when it came to my own body, I couldn’t do that for myself, and that was really upsetting to me that I couldn’t accept my growing body when it was growing a human
and that’s a beautiful thing. So I really struggled mentally with that. I also was a very big
bellied pregnant woman, so women carry their baby differently. So some women, their tummy
just goes like pooch, and mine was like (mimics explosion). Mine was so big. I was huge, I mean it got to a point where it didn’t even look like it was like a basketball anymore, it
looked like a torpedo. Like it was like this, and now
I am seven weeks postpartum. I am 144 pounds and I had
the baby seven weeks ago. I have not exercised. I exclusively breastfeed and I have heard that breastfeeding helps you lose weight because you’re burning a lot of calories while you’re breastfeeding I guess. But some women don’t experience that. I guess I have. Also I’m eating probably
half or even less than that the amount that I was
eating when I was pregnant, so my eating habits have
literally been cut in half. I’m going to show you
what my body looks like, like I’m literally
gonna get down to my bra and panties at the end of this to show you what my body looks like
now so we can compare it. Oh my god this video is
so long, I’m so sorry. (belches) Excuse me. (sneezes) Whoa! Achoo! There’s the sneeze, so that
is my weight pre, during and post-pregnancy. I was 117, then I gained
70 pounds during pregnancy and now I am 144 pounds
which is 24 pounds, wait. 24, will be 24, so that’s 27 pounds over what I was pre-pregnancy. Which is great, like I feel like the fact that I’m only 25 to 30 pounds overweight, wow, can’t do math, sorry. I’m really tired, I’m not gonna sit here and try to do math right now. Not overweight, just over what
I was before I was pregnant. As far as my mental state
of mind with my body goes, I’m way better than I
was when I was pregnant but I still have like moments. There’s some moments where
I’m like, this is my new body, I made a human out of this
body so this is awesome, and there are days if I’m
being honest where I’m like, ugh, I miss wearing crop
tops and high waisted jeans and stuff like that but for the most part, I feel like I’m like
this baby made a human. Like I grew a human and
I gave birth to a human. This is my body now so
I’m gonna be proud of it. But anyway, oh my God,
this video’s so boring. Why’s anyone watching this, oh ah, I’m talking so much I’m boring myself. Ugh. And I’m gonna get into the
physical changes in my body, like the physical, what
has changed in my body. So obviously pregnancy
you saw my tummy got huge, my boobs got huge, your nipples get bigger and like weirder. (chuckles) I guess I shouldn’t say
weirder because it’s cool that I can breastfeed my child but they just look way
different than they used to. So a lot of things in your body change while you’re pregnant, that’s a given, but I wanna talk about my
body before I was pregnant and then now that I’m
not pregnant anymore, what has changed and what I think has probably changed forever. So before I was pregnant,
I was literally like this, like a rail, like I had
no hips, I had no butt. I had boobs kind of, no tummy, I was just like a stick. And everyone make fun of
the fact I had no ass, no hips, no curves,
literally my whole life, I was a stick. Now I have hips and I have a butt, and that’s very new for me
but your hips have to widen so that the baby can come
out and they have widened and they have not gone back. I literally have a butt
which I never had before so I don’t believe that
those things are just because I have extra weight now. The butt maybe is but the
hips, those are bones, like they’re out now, they’re
different now which is wild. My boobs are so different now. Holy smokes, so they’re bigger obviously, because they’re full of milk but my nipples are way
different because they have to be like, sorry this is weird, but they have to be like
suckable for the baby, so they are like just a different shape and that’s really bizarre. And also I have something on my boobs. I don’t know if all women get this or not. I’ve never heard anyone talk about this and I tried to search it
online, I didn’t see anything. So I’m gonna talk about it here in case any other woman experienced this. My boobs have gotten like
these like, first of all, like veins all over them. Like there’s one crazy vein
that’s like just insane that we definitely need to name together so leave a comment below
what we should name her. I’m feeling like Bertha might be good, like she’s really like girthy and intense so I feel like a nice, strong
female name would be good, like Gail or Gretchen. I have veins, and I also have
like these red wormy lines on my boobs, I’m gonna try to show you. It’s gonna be hard to show you without showing you my boobs
but that’s really bizarre and I wasn’t expecting that. My stomach looks so different. It used to be very flat,
the skin was really tight. Now there’s extra skin and
extra fat and extra stuff. The weirdest part for me
with that isn’t the fact that there’s more stuff there, it’s the fact that it
like jiggles. (chuckles) I’ve never had that ’cause
like before I was pregnant, the skin was really tight
and I was really thin. And then when I was pregnant, the skin was really tight
’cause the skin stretches and it feels like it’s gonna explode, like it feels like it’s gonna rip. It’s so tight and then now
there’s lots of extra skin and so when I walk, it jiggles. Like I can feel it jiggle, like how you feel your
boobs jiggle when you walk. That’s been really, really weird to feel and I have not gotten
used to that yet at all. Just a lot of extra skin and there’s a lot of extra just stuff. I got a lot of stretch
marks not on my tummy but on my butt and then
I also have this line down my stomach that a lot of women get. When you’re pregnant you get
this dark line down the center and I got one pretty prominently
and that is still there and sometimes it takes
up to a year to go away. Sometimes it doesn’t go away. Also I wanted to show you, I’ve been wearing this
band thing on my tummy. They give you this kinda
stuff to wear at the hospital, but I have a bunch of my own, so this is the one I’ve
been wearing lately. It’s fully just like a band
that goes all the way around. It kind of holds everything tight in there but it makes a huge difference. Yes I’m wearing sweatpants with leopard print stripe down the side. Erik bought me for these yesterday. I think he bought them for Miranda but like I love them,
so, living my best life. I’m going to now show you my body. I’m really nervous, I’m procrastinating. Here’s some footage of
me two weeks postpartum. This is what I look like. So before I was pregnant, and then pregnant, and then me now. Three weeks postpartum. This is what I’m looking like, y’all. This is from the front so you
can tell that it’s like skin. And this is me now. Yah! I’m looking at myself in this viewfinder and I think I’m looking pretty good. I am proud of myself and
I’m proud of this body. I genuinely mean that, like
even though it’s not perfect and flat, that’s what it looks like now. And if I suck in (inhales). And if I let it out (exhales). So these are lines from the
band that I was wearing, like it’s indented into my skin. Oh this is extra, stretchy
skin from have a baby. Look at that, crazy. So here it is. The new mom bod. So I got a little pooch,
a little booty back here. It’s small but it’s there. Touch my fat, but the wildest part to me is like here it goes out, you see. Never used to do that before on the sides. These hips, those are bone. So those are out now. And see here’s that line and
my belly button popped out like crazy when I was pregnant so now it’s like a cavernous hole. She’s a mess. My body used to be like there. I feel like that’s how skinny
I used to be, like that and then all of that extra stuff. This is my body, what do y’all think? Actually, don’t tell me. I don’t care what you think. Yeah I don’t know, maybe
I’ll do another update in a couple of months
and see where it’s at but I’m taking my time, I’m
not putting pressure on myself to lose weight or exercise, whatever, I’m focusing on my baby
and making sure he’s happy and healthy and that
I’m happy and healthy. This was like to there, guys. Like that’s how big my tummy was. And now it’s all the way to here. Is that wild? Anyway, oh my God, I have
to show you my boobs. I’m so nervous about this. How am I gonna do this? Okay so this is really weird but I’m literally just
holding my boobs right now. I’m gonna try to show you my boobs. (record scratches)
Hey guys it’s me editing and as I’m editing, I’m watching the clips of me showing you my breasts and it’s very jarring
for a couple of reasons. One because there are
so many terrifying marks and scars all over my boobs
now that looking at it close up on camera is kind of freaking me out and making me feel really insecure but also this video would
probably get demonetized if I put that in, which who
really cares about that? Well I guess I do because
now I have a child that I need to raise and
take care of and feed so I don’t want this
video getting demonetized. Mama gotta feed her baby, so I have chosen to take
it out of this video. Something else I’ve chosen
to take out of this video was me talking about what
happened to my lady bits during the birth, but I still
feel like this information is important to get out
there for other moms, for other pregnant women,
for just women in general and men to know what
our bodies go through. I wanna give you guys the
choice to watch that stuff and not surprise you with it. This video’s all about my
pregnancy body transformation and I would hate for
someone to innocently click on this video and then
get smacked in the face with a clip of my naked breasts. So I would rather be
upfront and honest with that in the thumbnail and the
title and be like hey, what happened to my vagina and my boobs so that you guys know
what you’re getting into, so I think I’m going to
make a separate video for my vlog channel so if you
guys wanna see what happens to your boobs and your
vagina when you give birth, you can go there. I’m obviously not gonna show you my vagina or my entire boobs but, so you guys wanna go watch that, you can. It will for sure get demonetized but I do think it’s important for people to know what your body goes
through so there you go, okay. Moving on with the video. So there you go, this is
my body before pregnancy, during pregnancy and where I’m at now seven weeks postpartum. And maybe I’ll give you
guys an update later but that’s what my body looks like now. Reminder, every body is different. So everyone responds to
pregnancy differently. This is how my body’s responding to pregnancy and postpartum. I am proud of my body. I some days don’t like
it and some days I do but overall I’m really proud of my body because I made a human,
like my body made a human so if my body doesn’t
look perfect to someone in their version of perfect, who cares, because, my baby, he’s crying. I have to go, but my body made
that little crying cute human and I’m about to go feed with my boobs. That’s crazy that my body can do that, so I like it, even if you guys don’t. So I’m gonna end with
this, love your body. Don’t compare yourself to other people. I know that’s way easier said than done. I do it, like I find
myself comparing myself to other people all the time. Oh my gosh, my little baby’s crying, I have to hurry up and go. But love yourself, love your
body, your body is amazing. Thank your body for all
that it does for you because we put our bodies through a lot and they deserve to be loved and nourished and taken care of and oh my
gosh all I can think about is that my baby’s crying
so I really need to go. But love you guys and I’ll
see you next time, okay bye. (light-hearted music)

35 thoughts on “How Pregnancy Ruined My Body”

  1. I don't know everything about cuz I'm 8 and I'm not pregnant I'm a good girlKorean I love your channel keep up the good work and your baby is so cute

  2. Don’t be ashamed of what your body is like I really used to be ashamed of mine as I’m fat but now I think don’t worry what other people think

  3. I’ve watched this video so many time and I love it more and more each time. You are so real and so beautiful and it’s ok to not love pregnancy and it’s ok to not be perfect ❤️

  4. Colleen you are such an inspiration, I love the fact that your so proud of being yourself. I aspire to be as self-confident as you. I love you!!!!!!! 💞💞

  5. Girl you Look sooo good i Hope i will Look like this After having a Baby. If you work out a little bit The extra skin will disappere

  6. Before pregnancy: wow she’s way skinnier than me!
    During pregnancy: oh yas you look like me now!

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