– A lot of people want to know how to have the body language for confidence, and actually, in our modern world, where we spend all our time
on the computer and slump, we’ve kind of forgotten
how to hold ourselves. So I’m gonna show you how
to have the body language of someone who appears to
be incredibly confident. (uplifting music) First thing is, they speak slowly, and they don’t wave their hands around. I saw myself on television many years ago and I noticed I was doing this throughout the whole interview, and I thought, hmm,
that’s not a good look. And I learned when I was
on TV to sit on my hands and to speak quite slowly
and look at the camera. And you know, I wasn’t confident. People would say, oh my
god, you’re so confident. And I really wasn’t. But I looked at people
who were, and I thought, oh, they speak slowly. They don’t flap around. They may do that, or that,
but they’re very composed. They keep their shoulders up. They keep their stomach in. They don’t sit like that. So, you can do that. Whenever you’re talking to someone, try to keep your chin up. Keep your shoulders down and back. Speak slowly. Don’t speak fast and loud. If you’ve ever seen those
movies like mafia movies, you notice the head guy,
they almost whisper, and everyone has to
kind of listen to them. They don’t shout, they
don’t get all excited, because powerful people speak slowly. They are very commanding. They command the stage. They have presence, and you can have it
too by speaking slowly, taking on the posture,
shoulders up and back. Chin just so. Make eye contact. When you speak, we wanna look at them. You have two ears and
one mouth for a reason. Speak, and then listen. Listen to other people. Make them feel interesting. Imagine if everyone you met had a little sentence tattooed
on their forehead that said, please make me feel important. So when you meet people
it isn’t about you saying, yeah, here I am, and this is what I do, and I’m this, and. (speaks gibberish) What do you do? Tell me about you. Act as if you’re interested. You know, that’s what the Royal Family do. They smile, they listen. They do it hundreds of times. They’re probably not interested in you and the tomatoes you grow, but they make a point
of acting like they are. And that’s a great gift. And you know, I do book
signings, people say, oh my god, you’re so nice, you’re so available. I make a point of making
everyone feel interesting, smiling at everyone, signing their name, saying,
who are you, tell me. They’re buying my book. I owe them that at least. I don’t go, oh, another one,
scribble scribble scribble, there you are. I engage with people. I make them feel important. I don’t ask them to
make me feel important. So body language, posture. Don’t do all this wringing your hands, fiddling with a little hang nail, playing with your jewellery,
fluffing your hair, doing that, because you’re saying, I’m nervous. Strength is shown in stillness. The more still you are, the
more strong and powerful you appear. Speak slowly. Try to be still in your movements. Try not to wave around. And help yourself by
believing in yourself. There are so many things you can do that give you the posture of someone who believes in themselves. Walk with confidence. Talk with with confidence. Meet people’s eye level. People make this classic mistake. Someone says, tell me about you, and they go, well, what I do
is, and (speaks gibberish) and they try to race through
in case that person is bored. Don’t do that. Say, what I do is, and the reason I do it, and why I love it so much. And take your time. Don’t go into a whole story,
but don’t rush who you are and what makes your heart sing. If people are bored, you’ll find out and them you can just say,
anyway, enough about me, what about you? But don’t gabble through it. When you’re speaking to someone you’ll know if they’re
bored ’cause their shoulders will start to turn towards their door, their shoulders, their knees, their hips. And when you’re bored, you’ll
notice that you do that. You really want to do that. If you’re speaking to someone who might be going to employ you, no matter how bored you are, keep your shoulders,
your knees and your hips faced towards them. Keep that towards them, and then it says, I’m interested in you. I find you interesting. If you want to flirt, do the same thing. Keep focus on someone. Take some measure of
fluff off their shirt. Touch them. And even if it’s not a romantic thing, studies shows that waitresses
who touch their customers on the arm, or waiters,
and go, thank you so much, get bigger tips. There was a test where people
had to stop in the street and say to someone, hey, I’m lost, could
you tell me where to go? And as the person did,
they touched them and went, gee, thank you. And then interviewers went up, and then interviewers went up to them and you know the ones who got touched remembered everything about
that person who touched them. They weren’t attracted to them, but the person that
touched them on the arm, they could remember what they looked like and what they said. So touch is very important. It’s okay to touch someone. Not consistently and obviously
respect their boundaries. You touch their shoulder or their arm, and if you think they won’t
like it, you don’t do it. Here’s one final thing. When we’re nervous our mouth gets dry. And we’ve all seen
people licking their lips because they are nervous. You may notice that court
lawyers drink water all the time and people giving evidence drink water. When you are nervous, your mouth gets dry and you lick your lips. And when you’re nervous, you
tend to have your shoulders up around your ears. If you’re nervous, push
your shoulders down all the way down, and then fill up your mouth with saliva, pump it ’round your mouth. I know it sounds disgusting,
but who knows you’re doing it. You didn’t know I just did that. If you can make your mouth wet, you send a message to your mind that says I’m really relaxed. Guess what? You do that every time you kiss. When you kiss, your mouth gets wet and your brain goes, wet
mouth equals being relaxed. Doesn’t matter which way it comes. So fill up your mouth with
saliva, swirl it around and your brain will think, wet
mouth means you’re relaxed. If you’re nervous, do that. Drink water. Swirl it around. I promise you it sends
a message to your mind that says you are relaxed. Keep your shoulders down. It says you are relaxed. Keep your chin up, shoulders
back, posture good, and it says you are confident. So you can trick your mind into believing you’re confident and you’re relaxed by the way you hold yourself,
but the way you walk, by the way you talk, by
the volume of your voice, by the speed of your voice,
by your hand movements, by eye contact. And people who are
successful do this naturally, and you may have to do it unnaturally. Who cares if you do? You know what happens? It starts being who you
are and what you do. And then it is who you are, so it starts by being what you do, and then it becomes who you are. You’ll find that if you keep
pushing your shoulders down, filling up your mouth with saliva, holding yourself straight,
making eye contact, that eventually, you do it on autopilot. That’s a wonderful thing. It’s a great thing. It’s yours for the taking. Go to marisapeer.com and found out more about how to do this. And it stops being what you do and becomes who you are. Thanks for tuning in. Grow in confidence. Grow in self-esteem. Do it today and soon you’ll
find you do it everyday. Thanks, see you soon. (heartfelt music)

81 thoughts on “How To Be Confident In Any Situation? (Body Language Secrets) – Marisa Peer”

  1. I really love this! I find it very intimidating as an introvert to speak in front of people, but what I have learned along my journey is to focus on the purpose of what I'm going to say, to speak slowly, to avoid the fear of being judged by having a meaning and a reason why I do what I do… People will remember you for how you make them feel.

  2. FIRST! 🙂 Marisa i love your message and everything you say and create!! Thank you, you are such a shining light in this world!

  3. Thank you so much for your amazing guidance! Absolutely love your channel. You are an amazing woman. Thanks again.😊💗

  4. Confidence isn't walking into a room thinking you're better than anyone
    It's walking in not having to compare yourself to anyone at all

  5. Hey Marisa peer. I would like to know for teens how can they overcome bullying and lack of self worth. Pls make a video on that Thank you

  6. Thank you Marisa! I've had to work on this over the years. I do find that when we project that confidence with our body language that we NATURALLY feel much more confident.

  7. WOW I LOVE THESE PRACTICAL TIPS. Especially for women that have a hard time being confident around men they like. And I love the point about how it's not about making yourself look good, but actually making the other person seen. Like the quote says "The most interesting person in the room is the most interested person!". THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR WISDOM!!!

  8. Marisa, you sure do NOT speak for me regarding touching. I HATE being touch by people, specially by strangers and acquaintances. It boils inside like a volcano when they do so. I think that is soooo RUDE and DISRESPECTFUL. That is not love. Their touching is HATE and CONTROL, having no respect nor love for me. THESE PEOPLE ARE NOT EVEN MY FRIENDS AND THEY HAVE NERVE TO TOUCH ME. I HATE THEM. Who do they think they are, to think that their 'needs' are more important then mine. I come from the intention of desiring being friends but not them. THEY HAVE NO INTENTION OF BEING MUTUAL FRIENDS WITH ME. They tell me, that, I am not good enough when I express my desire of friendship and a friend to play with outdoor such as badminton, freezbie, picnic in the park and doing activities together, doing fun things together. They have no intentions of being my friend nor play outdoor sports with me. They sure don't think of me on my birthday, christmas nor any holidays. They'll come and see me if they want something, but sure do not want to be friends with me. They like to be intruisive in my life, but sure are secrecy about theirs. THEY LIKE TO TOUCH, BUT THEY SURE DON'T WANT TO PLAY SPORTS WITH ME NOR HAVE A GENUINE FRIENDSHIP WITH ME, SPECIALLY FRIENDSHIP WITH ME. I AM NOT AN OBJECT ON THIS PLANET TO FILL SELFISH PERVERTED PEOPLE'S NEEDS, SELFISH REQUESTS. THE FRIENDSHIP NEVER STARTS WITH THOSE PEOPLE. I started feeling very angry inside when people touch me, I started telling people not to touch me. Some people are not respectful and touch me anyway. I certainly to not associate with them. Some males have sex on the mind but not friendship. These people are SELFISH CARNAL PIGS WHO JUST THINK OF THEMSELVES. I want to have NOTHING to do with selfish carnal perverted people who only think of their carnal needs. Marisa, you sure DO NOT SPEAK FOR ME.* When I say 'NO' I mean 'NO'. For those, usually males, who refuses to respect my wishes, I have planed in my head that I will punch them in the throat, injure them in some ways. I am angry enough to do that. They are perverted pigs. I am IMPORTANT too. I am WORTHY too. MY NEEDS ARE IMPORTANT TOO.*** I am perfect just the way I am to have a genuine friend to play outdoor with, to enjoy life with. It's those selfish greedy perverted people who are not perfect.***

  9. 1. Talk slowly
    2. Put your shoulders back and down
    3. Eye contact
    4. Use slower hand movements
    5. Keep your mouth wet with saliva

    What have I missed?

  10. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful!! Just what I needed! I remember myself being like that – chin up, shoulders down, calm… As if confidence was radiating from every my pore. That was when I was growing up. Somewhere along the way I lost it, and I am aware of my posture very often, but I didn'n what to do about it. When I was confident that confident posture came naturaly for me, it looked as some sort of aristocrat looking from above 😉 . I saw people didn' t liked it… they would look at me strange as "who do I think you are". Than I deliberatedly hid it. Big mistake. I let others control me.👎 And once depression came, my posture was bended… like Quasimodo little bit. It still is I am affraid. But I didn't know I can regain my confident posture (confidence) with this practice.
    Thank you soooo much!! xxxxxx I am looking forward to practice it… perhaps my body will remember, perhaps some neuropath will remember my natural posture I lost long time ago. And thank you for posting this short reminders every week, I can not express joy and help you provide me with this. Thank you for including same sex people in videos. A huuuuuge hug 🙌🌼🙋.

  11. I realised that I am nervous when I teach the students in university! I speak quickly as someone chasing me. Marisa you are perfect!!!! Thank you!!!

  12. I didn't know that if you have sliva in your month you are relaxed! I've had low self esteem & low confidence since I was 14 I'm now 34

  13. The difference between you and me is I'm not a bullshitter , the greatest thing you can be with people is honest, not cruel, not rude.true, no I'm not interested in your tomatoes but I wont pretend I am , now THAT IS RUDE. don't be a snake.

    **Just TODAY I was told of a lady who stopped my friends father and asked for directions on holiday she held his hand as they talked , he didn't even realise until the evening his ROLEX was gone . I'm totally honest with you. Utter rubbish , keep your distance don't try to play me for your own benefit. This woman is one of the most selfish people I've ever heard speak. Touch people because you,ll get bigger tips ??? GTFOOH

  14. Tony Robbins said you can turn true confidence on like a tap in any situation. That is the biggest load of garbage I've ever heard. He clearly knows nothing about people with zero or very little self confidence, for which this is IMPOSSIBLE.

  15. I'm sometimes nervous on the inside. But I present in a way that's very calm and confident. I've noticed it causes many people to be intimidated by me. I'm so composed it makes them nervous, haha.

  16. I spoke slowly with a business owner today and because i wasn't talking fast enough he ended the meeting and i lost the sale ☹

  17. Marisa, I bought your program from Mindvalley and am a chronic pain patient. I can't slow my brain down long enough to even start it. I can't access workbooks because I have no printer, can I do it without them? Any suggestions? Thank you for being such an inspiration.

  18. When you get to know yourself – You know what situations to put yourself in and what not to get involved in. This instantly makes life so much easier. If you do find yourself in a situation that is 'unfavorable' to you – still knowing yourself you know how to behave in situations. Peace

  19. You bring so much value and inspiration. I really appriciate you and thank you for shearing your knowledge. I learn from you..Much love and blessings from amsterdam ❤😘

  20. OR ….you can avoid people who make you behave in a nervous way i.e those you know dislike you for some unfathomable reason

  21. Wow… This helps so much! Truly thank you for this, Marissa. I've always been struggling with anxiety and got tense easily, this helps me to relax and slow down of all the rush going through my head. Thank you!

  22. Good listening skills are necessary but how do you put a cap on it so you don’t turn out to be someone soundboard and get taken advantage of? In my industry, the better listener that I am the more people talk. Perhaps you can do a video on how to not get taken advantage of by excessive talkers.

  23. The problem with me is when I follow your advice, people talk over me, they interupt me before I finish my sentence.
    I don't know what to do now.

  24. I’m that person you described in the video: All over the place with the verbal vomit, the gesticulating, the flailing arms, jerky movements, bobbing head, etc. I will try this new approach. I needed this!! It’s so tiresome to be this way. I feel uncomfortable with awkward silences, fill the gaps in conversation to make people feel more comfortable, but by the end of the day, I’m exhausted. Your tips are great. Thank you.

  25. Wow thank you for sharing your knowledge with us all, i'm on my way on creating better connections with those people around me, i really appreciate your content!

  26. Exactly!! I talk about it in my book which is currently the #1 book for 15-minute education FREE on Amazon for the next 24 hours “Detangling Your Mind” by Mr. Day. Thank you and good luck!

  27. Funny, I love your lectures but I find it difficult to listen because you speak slowly :). I'm inpatient by nature – talk fast, walk fast, do fast kinda person. Anyway, will try your advice.

  28. When you listen to other people it gives them confidence, which in turn increases your confidence making the level of communication more effective.

  29. Thanks a million Marisa, you are a visionary I believe, I always learn such a lot from you! Your hair is beautiful, thank you again and God bless…

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