Today I’m going to teach you how to eliminate
shyness in 60 seconds. Literally, that’s as long as it takes if you
do these 3 steps. So this is going to be useful to you if you’ve
ever been out because I know I have. And then, you, all of a sudden, just gotten
trapped in your head. And, maybe, some of you left the conversation,
maybe it was that someone you did know entered. Whatever it was, all of a sudden, the things
that you have to say don’t seem as clever or smart or funny, or even worth expressing,
and your hands, you don’t know where to put them. You can’t put them here, you can’t put them
here. It just feels uncomfortable. So I want to help you dispel that, so that
you don’t hesitate and wind up missing out on opportunities to connect with people that
you care about. The first step is going to be this. When that moment of shyness hits and the hands
don’t know where to go, you feel that you’ve got nothing worthwhile to say, instantly,
recognize this and stop trying to do anything, and just exist. In fact, let yourself suck. What I mean by this is you can be boring. When I feel this happen to me, it happens
sometimes when I’m out at a bar or a club and I’ve been separated from my friends that
I find myself alone and feeling like I don’t really want to jump back in the conversation
with anyone, but what I used to do was go, “Hey, you’ve got to; you’ve got to be fun. This is your YouTube channel and you’re on
Charisma on Command. You got to do it,” and I’d force myself in
that moment. Giving yourself 20 to 30 seconds to stand
there and go, “You know what? I’m gonna suck. I don’t feel like doing this right now.” It’s such an amazing reboot. So what it looks like is I’ll be out and I
will, literally, my hands will drop to my side. I’m not gonna smile. I’m not gonna make or create eye contact. I might wander a little bit and I’m gonna
do as little as possible. And what this does is it frees me because
what shyness is when you don’t feel like the things you have to say are enough, when you
don’t feel like the way that you feel is enough, or good enough to engage with other people. What happens when you allow yourself to be
boring is you give yourself that worst case scenario, right? Nothing is worse than this out in a bar or
club or a networking event, right? And what that does is it eliminates the need
to perform anything, and for me, this only takes 20 to 30 seconds before I feel myself
reset. And all of a sudden, I don’t feel like I should
do anything after about 20-30 seconds; I kind of feel like I want to because, now, I’m boring
myself. Well, I just go home. But at this point, you know you fully reset
when you feel that switch from “I’ve got to, I need to do this,” to “I kind of want to
now.” Caveat here, this doesn’t mean that you pull out
your phone and you text on your phone for 30 seconds. That’s the opposite. That’s you trying to look busy, right? That’s the opposite. It doesn’t mean that you go up against the
bar or stand there and try to look cool. You try to look powerful. You actually release the judgements of everybody
else. If they’re gonna think you’re boring–totally
fine. But you don’t try to look like anything. You let yourself just go slack. Breathe deep, 30 seconds later, you’re going
to feel a massive difference, and that’s when step 2 comes in. So this is the Reboot Step 1. Step 2 is when we want to get started on the
right foot and you’ve heard me say this before, but the best way to do this is not necessarily
to jump in a conversation, but in my experience, is to go to your body. The problem with shyness is that the voices
in your head that are telling you that what you have to say isn’t good enough or that
you should just shut up, that your hands are in the wrong place. Those voices are more numerous and louder
than your actual voice. You’re not speaking–your interior, not exterior. We got to get you out of your head and the
body is a great place to go. I focus on three things. I’m normally concerned with my arms. I need to move these guys around, for sure. My voice, and when I say my voice, I mean
my whole vocal apparatus talking down through my diaphragm, through the pelvic floor. The deeper I can breathe, the lower I can make my resonance, the better I’m going to feel And then, of course, lastly, once I’d get
these things going, my face, my eyes, and my smile. The way I do this depends on the environment. If I’m at a club, I want to go to a place
where I can move and make all of these things be as vibrant as possible; that’s the dance
floor for me. So I go to the dance floor, 20-30 seconds,
I dance, I will make noise, I would yell to my friends, whatever it is. That’s going to make me feel better. That’s going to make me smile, right? 20-30 seconds of that, I’m in a great mood. What if I’m not at a club? What if you’re not at a club? Because we feel shy in lots of places. Well, let’s say you’re in an office, do it
to the degree that you can. So if you’re in an office, you’re sitting
in a meeting, and you’re, “Okay, I’m feeling shy. Reset. Okay.” Arms–my arms need to open up. Go out, expose the underside of your body,
just let it go. So, if not your body, if you’re gonna expose
the underside of your arm, that’s gonna make you feel a little bit more at ease. Your voice, to the degree that you can, if
you have anything, try them in, but if you can’t, you can just hum it or breathing deep. That’s going to engage sort of these vibrational
things that I have found are key, actually, to feeling good. And then, lastly, the face. If somebody’s talking, you can look them in
the eye. You can send positive, you know, feedback,
with your smile, with your eyes. That kind of stuff is going to get you back
to a place that you want to be. Worst case scenario, you’re in a 3-person
conversation. These two people are talking and you just
feel completely left out. You can’t touch any of them, you can’t get
big, what do you do? Well, what you can. You can stretch your arms, okay? That’s step 1, not bad. With your voice, if you need to, you can actively
listen. “Oh, yeah, cool. Oh, he hadn’t said that to me. Interesting, right?” You get your voice going. You get your vibrations going and I’m telling
you, it makes a difference. And, then, of course, your eyes and your smile,
look them in the eye. Give them some active feedback with this. The more that you move, the more easy that
is going to feel. So you get all of these three things in place,
which brings me to step 3. We’ve used up, basically, the full minute;
first half is 3 set, second half is getting ourselves off on a good foot by getting into
the body, the third thing is sealing it, because we don’t want to go back into our head. So, to seal it, we find the most receptive,
nearest person that you can go speak to, and, typically, you want to use something that
is prepared beforehand. And what I mean by that is that I don’t want
you to going back into your head and going, “Crap, what do I say now? What do I say to him on the networking thing? It’s so dumb to ask what you do. I know what he does.” Don’t go back in your head. So, typically, it’s good to have prepared
for these situations that you find yourself, something common that you can say to strike
up conversation. It didn’t depend wherever you are. When I was in Costa Rica, I was 19 years old
when I arrived there. I was a shy kid. I didn’t speak, really, any Spanish, and I
have found it hard to connect, quite frankly. But one of the things that I did inadvertently
was I would ask people because I wanted to so bad, I would ask for directions when I
already knew where I was going. So I would be on my way to the photocopier
at a class and say, “Hey, do you know where the photocopier is?” And something interesting happened as I did
this. Some people would just tell me I got to practice
my Spanish. Some people, though, would tell me, and then,
walk with me and ask me questions about where I was from, what I was doing, and, hey, did
I want to come out and hang out to the bar with them that night? And what I found was, because I was just a
different kind of person in this small town–it was called Heredia–I went to La UNA, write
it in these comments if you’ve been there. I’m sure some of you have. But what I found was that because I was different,
people were trying to reach out to me. Now, I get that that’s not what you have,
but what I can give you are two killer prepared lines that are gonna help you in most situations,
like 95%. First one is, if you do not know the person,
and that’s very simple, you walk up to them at this point, you’ve broken your shyness
to say, “Hey, what’s up?I don’t think I’ve met you yet. I am Charlie, may I have your name?” And what that does, that “I don’t think I’ve
met you yet,” is so powerful. You could say, “Hi,” that works, but this
is better, because what that communicates is I know a lot of people here and this is
an environment in which people are saying hi, so you should be polite and friendly. It works very, very well. Take that one. Use it with people you don’t know. If you’re in conversation with people you
do know, or maybe someone you just met, and you can’t re-introduce yourself, one of the
very simple things is to just take the phrase, “Hey, this is totally random, but…” and
then say whatever you want, and specifically, speak to a passion, speak to something you
like. So, say you like books and you’re fascinated
by the kinds of books that people read, which you might say is in conversation, “Hey, this
is totally random, but have you read any good books lately?” I always like to ask people, right? or “Hey,
this is totally random, but have you actually seen any good movies? I’m looking for one that I should see this
weekend.” Whatever it is, pick something that you’re
interested in because, then, that topic of conversation is more likely be the one that
you’re interested in. So, that is how you break shyness. I wanted to give you something just for this
situation when you’re actually uncomfortable. I realize there’s things you can do beforehand. You’ve got a whole conversation at this point
to handle, but the more that you are out of your head and in your voice, shyness will
disappear, right? You cannot feel shy when you are exterior
to yourself, only when you are judging yourself and wondering how other people are judging
you, and this is meant to break that state. So, I hope that you found it helpful. If you are interested in 60 seconds to get
confident, I have like 60 seconds to get to most of the emotions that I want to do, and
there are tweaks, depending on where I’m trying to go, but if you’re curious in confidence
that’s something that I use before these videos. This is something that I do when I go out,
this is something that I would do if I, you know, were speaking publicly. If you want to get that, go ahead, click the
link, the box here. If you’re on mobile, click that little “i”
button that will pop up, the white guy. It’s going to take you to a different page
where you can drop your email and it will show you that video–Things That You Can Do
in 60 Seconds to Be Confident. If you’ve liked this video, please subscribe
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I believe that I can send you an email, I’m not sure, whenever we do a new upload. So, I hope that you guys have found this helpful. I hope that this tip is good. I know shyness can be a really, really daunting
thing; I’ve dealt with it a lot in my own life, and this isn’t intended to eradicate
it from your entirety of your life, but it is how you can stop it in the moment when
you have it, which I find is really the thing that most of us want to do most. So, I hope that you found this helpful and
I look forward to seeing you in the next video.

100 thoughts on “How To Stop Shyness in 60 Seconds”

  1. I think shy people have to do exactly what big mouth people are told not to do: think out loud. They're so used to overthinking their words and how people will interpret them that by the time they decide to say something, either everyone's on to the next idea or they've decided it shouldn't be said. People who just say what's on their mind, even it's stupid or mildly offensive tend to be more interesting to talk to.

  2. I guess i'm not shy then. I just want to know how do you force yourself, as he was saying to be loud? Answer please

  3. Well,I live in boarding school.
    And sometimes is very hard for me to interact with others ☹️.
    And the worst thing is I'm jealous when my other friends have fun.
    Any tips for me?

  4. You should do a video on Dave Grohl. His personality in the Nirvana days vs today is a night and day difference in terms of confidence

  5. Y'all. my sims aren't even as shy as I am and it makes me sad.
    Plus, thank you so much for the information. I'lll try it out and see if it works! This was amazing, and again. thank you.

  6. I’m not sure whether I have problems with shyness. I am very quite and always have no idea what to talk about. I have no problems approaching strangers and if I do decide to start a conversation, it often just leads to a dead end where both of us just end up being awkward 😭 I don’t know what this is? Some people think I’m arrogant if I do decide to be on my own 😩

  7. Within the first 30 seconds I thought, "how does this guy know everything about me and we've never met?"

  8. I'm trying to fight my shyness but whenever I go in the front of the class and say something i feel like I'm cold ang gonna cry I can't control it btw I'm already 16

  9. it helps just screaming in the mirror and when people look just smile you wont even need to talk they will do it for you

  10. In September I will be going to a new school and I'm so stressed! These videos are very helpful, but if anyone has any tips for making new friends, please share them with me!

  11. if there's an activity to do is totally fine with me , but just sitting staring at each other and talking i feel like i should say something or i will get judged

  12. I am camera shy (YouTube videos manly)

    I will gladly dance silly, make odd jokes, heck sing off key. But I hear camera and I am like what if someone thinks that I am actually a fool.. or could that be the YT post that ruins my job.. or getting a job… yeah…

  13. What really chokes me up is when I'm in a social situation and I feel like I'm doing really well… And then somebody calls me out for being 'too quiet.' I almost never recover from that.

  14. Having labels like " socially awkward" ( just all the time) should not be used or believed by shy people since you believe it then it'll obviously come true, so in short a healthy mindset would be good

  15. Thank you for sharing! I still struggle with social awkwardness and I’m almost 38 years old. Not sure if anyone can relate to this. Most people just go through these struggles in school and trying to discover who they are. But, I’ve always been awkward. Learning to embrace this trait as I get older. I’m assuming eventually I’ll stop giving a shit what others think, lol.

  16. Please someone read this.
    When there is someone who I really want to talk to, I plan it out in my head and feel so confident, but when the moment comes, I can't bring myself to say anything.
    This is a depressing story of mine:
    This one time I knew my crush was going to be in my class for the new year. I planned a bunch of conversation starters and things to talk about, in the event that I sat next to her. The time comes and I happen to be sitting next to her. I couldn't bring myself to speak and basically sat there like a loser for the whole year. I didn't have any friends in that class. After a couple months I had basically accepted it, and didn't bother to try to fix things. The crushing blow was when my guy friend (who is pretty good friends with my crush) told me that she told him that I was a mute. I felt humiliated in front of my own best friend. Now he knows that I cant talk to girls. It sucks cause hes the complete opposite and has a lot of female friends and clout. Ever since that day, I have hated myself so much. This shit really fucked me up and now I can't even look at her. The girl was nice, she later found out that I knew what she said, and apologised. The comment she made wasn't that bad and wasn't intended to hurt me. Every night I remember what happened and I feel depressed. This all happened just over a year ago, and it still affects me. I wish I could talk to her, but I feel like it's too late now. I've blown it. It would feel weird to talk to her now, after I didn't say a word for a whole year of sitting next to her.

    Extra information which made me feel worse:
    Basically I sat next to the window which was to my left, my crush sat beside me, and a friend of hers sat next to her. Occasionally when her friend was sick and didn't come to school, she would have to sit next to me, a mute. A girl who sat on the other side of the classroom who was not friends, but was cool with my crush said "Hey -name-, are you alright over there? Why don't you come sit over here with me". She replied with "No its okay." When I heard this it felt like a punch in the gut. I knew the girl was trying to remove my crush from the awkwardness which is fair enough. I knew that my crush really did want to go sit somewhere else, but didn't want to hurt me or make me feel bad. I felt like such a burden. I still couldn't muster up the slightest bit of courage to say anything.

    It sucks because I just know that she told all of her close friends what she had to deal with. It really lowered my confidence even more. Btw I'm fine with talking to guys, I actually have a fair amount of friends and I'm cool with a lot of people. But when it comes to girls I cant handle it.

  17. This actually is what I do!! I feel so much more relaxed, but I just wished that i knew how to respond to others

  18. My social anxiety is sooooooo bad, I don’t know how to deprogram myself from feeling the need to preform and put on this ego facade

  19. It's so annoying when people say, "That's the most I've heard you talk before." I really try so hard to be more social, but I just can't. 😟

  20. Today I applied the stomach rule to calm me down before a speech and the 3 second rule to look at people. It really helped. Started watching your videos a week ago and already starting to notice a positive difference. Thank you!

  21. i love this channel and am learning so much from you. You are one amazing young man, very deep and very intelligent and knowledgeable about feelings and how to deal with them,. I love learning and you are doing a remarkable job. I learn something every video. Thanks so much. i learned the same thing about shyness about speaking up which was louder than my voices in my head and shut those voices down and i then spoke from my heart,. I found it very effective. I always speak from my heart this way.

  22. my whole personality is me in my head. are there really people who arent?
    being an introverted man is life on hard mode. prove me wrong. protip: you can't

  23. The problem with me is that I’m confident but when I do the actual thing I freeze up again and when I’m in school I don’t raise my hand but I still talk to people it’s just I don’t like everyone looking at me it gives me pure pressure and I honestly don’t know what to do

  24. My problem is that people are immediately uncomfortable with me for some reason and don’t say anything at all whether they approach me or I approach them. And I don’t know what to say either. Because everything I do and say makes people uncomfortable or feel out of place. Because I’M out of place. I’m just not the kind of person people will ever like. Even if I’m kind to them or try and get to know them. They are uncomfortable with my presence, my existence in their life. I have friends that get to know me and appreciate me, but very few. And this is a problem because I am constantly put into social situations. I am expected to dazzle people. To ring up a line of men behind me, hanging on my every word. How could I ever truly talk to someone who is fascinated with me? I don’t have the ability of pretending to be standing with a person who is a galaxy apart from me. Everyone assumes everything about me. I can never get any closer.

  25. I'm not shy. I don't always have something to say all the time… I'm going on 26 and people have always said I'm quiet. I'm tired of it.

  26. I watched this about two years ago, when i was first starting high school. I'm about to start senior year, and i'm proud to say that i can now count the number of times i haven't used some version of this when feeling shy or uncertain on one hand. Thanks, Charlie!

  27. Me: Hey this is totally random but have you read any good books?
    Person: yes
    Me: Hey this is totally random but…

  28. I don’t think I’m shy despite the fact everybody thinks I’m shy.

    It’s just I have absolutely nothing to say to contribute to the convo. I don’t care about what people think of me if I say anything. I just don’t know what to say😓

  29. I think about something before saying it for like one hour. Then I either just give up and don't say it or just think that "I have nothing to lose" and say it. But usually, I feel really emberrased after saying it and think about how lame it was at 3 a.m 😩

  30. I hate being shy it keeps me from doing what I wanna do in life. I wanna be a dancer but I'm shy and people are so judgy. 🙁 I hate myself sometimes.

  31. Yo soy de Costa Rica bro.. Que estudiaste en la UNA?

    Cuando volvés por acá? Sería muy interesante tenerte de vuelta por acá..

  32. One time 3 boys where playing around and they saw a dress and they asked me do you like my dress and I wanted to say yeah totally in a funny way but I got shy

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