– Hi. I am currently back home in Arizona. I’m actually waiting
outside of the hair salon for my hair appointment time slot, so I figured I would go ahead and film the intro and outro of this video. Just raw, honest style. I’m kind of tired of
the studio lights thing, I just feel like it’s
another wall between us, I just feel like sitting
here talking to you. You’re gonna hear birds, you’re gonna hear cars, maybe we’re gonna hear a rattlesnake, I don’t know, we’re back in Arizona, anything could happen. But you guys, something that I feel like I need to talk more about on my channel, and get a little bit more honest about, is the struggle with my mental health. (motorcycle roars) Hello motorcycle, I’m trying to have an
honest conversation here. I’m gonna be perfectly honest, I have been feeling like
shit about myself recently. I’ve not been in a great place with my body confidence journey. I’ve definitely regressed a bit. There are days where I feel really amazing and empowered and confident, and then there are other days where I feel like I’m back at square one. And, that is okay, that’s
just something that happens. But lately, I’m gonna be perfectly honest, I’ve been feeling like crap
about myself and my body, so I decided as a little experiment, this is something I filmed over
the course of this past week in the spirit of being honest and raw and real and authentic, I decided to try and
peel myself off the couch and out of bed and do a little bit of tender loving care to myself baby! That’s something I am not good at, I’ll be the first to admit. And, “self care” has become
sort of a buzz word phrase type of thing as of late, and I think it’s something that I think people can misconstrue a lot, but it can also mean different
things for different people. Sometimes it might mean doing a face mask, taking a bubble bath, but it can also mean saying no to things. Setting boundaries. Something that I’m not really great at is treating myself to something
nice every once in awhile. Like, I think I so freely
do that for others, but for myself I’m kind of like, “Nah, I’d rather not spend the money, “I’d rather not waste my time.” I think I get a little caught up into what “self care” actually is and it can mean many different things for many different people. It’s very personal, it varies from person to person. It does not always have
to be super indulgent, like this video, hint hint. But, since working full time from home for the last almost three full years now, every day, self care
has, I’m not gonna lie, been something that I
actually really struggle with. Most days I spend arguing with myself, on whether or not I should shower, because, what’s the
point, I’m just gonna be sitting on the couch, or at
a desk, or in my bed editing. And, although there’s nothing
inherently wrong with that I do think that there’s
something to be said for the fact that putting a
little extra love into yourself actually makes you feel
good from the inside out, like I was talking about. I’ve done variations of
this type of video before, but I just really wanted
to spoil myself, that’s it! I literally never treat myself, ever. Why? Prioritizing myself in
2020 is a big goal of mine, it’s something I’m continually working on, and so with that in mind,
I’m hoping that this video will inspire someone to just take a day, or a week, or whatever,
however long you want and just treat yourself. Absolutely lather on the self care, because you deserve it. You, right there, you deserve it! Don’t mind my unpolished nails. We’ll get to them. Just
promise me that you will do one kind thing for yourself today. That is all I ask, okay? Whoa, I feel a lot better, I’m
ready to get into this video so let’s see what I got up
to for the past week or so. I dated myself on Valentines Day week, and it was fantastic! – [Computer Voice] Flashback – All right guys, so, before we get started, just
wanna give you a little glimpse into what I look
like on any given day, my hair is quite dirty, I have zero makeup on obviously. I’ve worn this sweatshirt, I think this is the third day in a row? I’m starting to wonder if my neighbors know if I have another sweatshirt? I’m also wearing, you know,
just pajamas at all times. I think I’ve worn these two
going on three days in a row? Pretty sure I have cereal in my teeth, because I just ate breakfast. Nails are absolutely not
done at all whatsoever. Toes. We’re not even gonna go there. I have absolutely
nothing wrong at all with “looking this way” whatsoever. I know a lot of Mom’s experience this, you know, you put a lot
of people before yourself. Folks who work from home, all sorts of different reasons
and factors go into it. Mine is partially the fact that
I don’t have to be anywhere so it doesn’t matter, and then partially depression. I’m just gonna be perfectly honest. So, putting a little bit
of care towards myself is definitely what is
my goal for this video. But I wanted to start it
off with a real honest look. Your girl has got to take a shower before we do anything else. Because, it’s been (clock ticking) more days that I’d like to admit. Okay, let’s do it. All right, so I had to throw on a hat and do my five minute makeup routine because you guys, I could not
leave the house like that, I just couldn’t, I’m sorry. I aint got it in me. And the first of three things that I’m gonna be doing for this video is getting my nails done. Now, getting my nails done is
something that’s definitely like a luxury thing for me. I would say I probably get my nails done once every three months or so, and then the rest of the
time I just do it at home. Honestly, three months is even a stretch. It’s basically just, if it comes up in conversation with a friend or my Mom or something, we will go and get our
nails done together. But it’s not a regular
thing that I plan out. I don’t know why I feel this kind of a little bit of guilt about it, but I’m trying to just
let myself enjoy today, pamper myself. Let’s go get our nails did! (gentle music) I’m throwin up the peace
sign but you can’t see it (laughs) living my best life. My eyes are rolling back into my head. (gentle music) And just like that I’m back home with fresh nails, I already feel so much better. It’s so weird how much more confident I am when I have polish on my nails. It’s pretty crazy. But, I’m already feeling so good already, I’m just kinda taking these baby steps and doing them one by one. I’m very much enjoying it so far. So, step one, we are done. Let’s move onto step two. Good morning everybody, I’m coming to you fresh faced this morning because today is another
pamper myself day. So, for the agenda today,
I am going to be — (loud car engine roars) It is not that serious. I am going to be getting a massage today as well as a facial. I’ve had one massage before in my life, and I almost had a panic attack during it. So, (laughs) we’ll see how this goes! The point is to try to
destress, not add stress. So, hopefully it works out okay. And a facial is something
I’ve never done before. I have never felt comfortable enough to let someone in the nooks
and crannies of my face. My skin is something I am
extremely insecure about. I do have quite a bit of acne scarring, and I’ve got texture and pores — (car engine roars) What is up with all these
drivers this morning? So I am on my way to my first appointment which is the massage, it’s at ten o’clock. I only booked a 30
minute massage this time because I just wasn’t
sure with like my anxiety how that was gonna go. I didn’t wanna be trapped
in there for an hour in case I didn’t like it, I just thought it was a
good introduction time slot, and then after that
I’m gonna head straight to my facial at 11. I’m a little nervous because it’s just two places I’ve never been before, it’s like I don’t know how
trendy they’re gonna be, if they’re gonna look
down on me, I don’t know. My imposter syndrome. But you know what? It is okay, it’s gonna be great and everything’s gonna be wonderful. This day is about me dammit, so you know what? That’s the number one priority and that’s all I’m focussing on. So, let’s go get a massage! Let’s get pampered. (gentle music) (drums beating) Oh my gosh, that was so incredible. I’m gonna link the place that I went to in the description box below because if any of you are in the LA area you should go. It was amazing. I really enjoyed it so much. I was sitting there like, I can’t believe this is how
I’m spending my morning. I am so used to just having a to-do list, being like, I’ve gotta get this done, I’ve gotta get this done,
it’s all work stuff. And I was like, I can’t
believe I’m just sitting here getting a massage, that’s wild. I don’t know why, it was just crazy to me. I did struggle a little
bit with my anxiety. I get a little bit of claustrophobia, especially when I have to put
my head through that thing. I’m almost at my next appointment. I’m about 10 minutes early which is great. I was running late this morning. Okay, I’ve just parked,
and now I have arrived at my next location which
is called “Skin Camp”. It’s not as much of a spa type
of facial that you would get, it’s open concept, so
it’s kind of like going to a hair salon but then you’re getting your face
worked on with everyone else, and I just thought that was a cool idea, less pressure I don’t know. I couldn’t really figure out
where I wanted to get a facial that wasn’t like $300 in LA. So, this place seemed
like a good introduction. I have gotten something I think called the detox facial is
what I’ve signed up for. I have very problematic
skin if you couldn’t tell. Lots of acne scarring right here. Got a few active breakouts. So, hopefully they will
fix me up here today. So let’s head on into our next appointment and just I’m, I’ve got
the ball rolling today. I’ve got the self care ball rolling, and we’re gonna keep it going. (gentle music) And just like that I
am done with my facial oops, there was a tree there. How do I look? Very red actually, because there were a lot of
extractions done apparently. There’s a car coming, that’s awkward. The girl that I had, she was super sweet. I told her it was my first time anyone had ever touched my face and she was so gentle. She did some extractions, she did a peel, she did a masque, she did a cleanse. She gave me a lip balm. There was some kind of
high frequency electricity thing that was on my face. I had to wear like a cheese cloth over my face to protect it. It was really really cool and
I definitely will be back. It felt really good to just, you know, take the morning and do stuff for myself. Like, what the heck? A foreign concept honestly, but I’m really happy I did it. So, we are going to head home. Get some work done, it was
a great way to start my day. I’ll check in with you guys for the last and final pamper sesh
first thing in the morning. Also, just quickly wanna add that getting in my car and inspecting
my skin after my facial I realized I had one single chin hair sticking out that entire time, so she definitely saw that. That’s embarrassing! Bye! Good morning and thank God
for this appointment today. What the heck. Oh God, this freakin’ sun! Just before eight A.M
and I am on my way to my very first blow out. I’ve never gotten a blow
dry appointment done before. I feel like it’s a very
common thing in LA. And, even in Arizona where I’m from people get them all the time. Even in Nashville when I lived there, it was a normal thing. Something that I’ve never really thought was necessary? I feel like I do a pretty decent job at doing my hair on my own. But there’s something to be said for having someone else pamper you. It just feels good man. I’m like, on a high from this week. Over the last few days
it’s been so enjoyable. Obviously a very expensive
thing if you make it an every week routine, but every once in awhile
it’s nice to spoil yourself. So, because I got that massage yesterday, and I have a bunch of
essential oils up in my hair, and then I got a facial right after that, and then I had a bunch
of lotions and masques and creams and stuff,
my hair is a hot mess. I just took it out of a
messy bun this morning. We’re struggling. On my way to my very first
blow dry appointment. It’s actually Valentine’s Day today, which I thought was really nice, you know? Valentine’s Day is a day about love. It does not have to be romantic love, it can be family love, pet love, platonic love, self love! So, even though I have an amazing partner who I’m gonna be celebrating with tonight and am very lucky to be doing so, I’m gonna spend the day,
or at least the morning, giving myself a little self-love. I don’t think I’ve ever
gone to a hair salon this early in the morning before? But, we’re trying new things in 2020. So let’s head into Dry Bar, see what this hype is all about. And hopefully they can fix this
situation that’s happening. Good luck to them! (gentle music) (drums beating) And there you have it. My hair has been blown out. My pores have been extracted. My muscles have been rubbed. Why do I do the things I do? My gel polish has been peeled off, but you know what? That’s because I have a
little thing called anxiety. We’re gonna skip past that. In all seriousness, it was actually so incredible
to take time for myself, and literally do these
self care steps and things, and have a full day of
stuff that was just for me. Like, there was no other person
that was benefiting from it I mean, besides the people I was paying. It was so incredible. I enjoyed it so, so much. I definitely won’t make
this any kind of like, every week habit or anything like that, but, every once in awhile I really wanna start doing this for myself. Not all of these things
in a row obviously, but taking time out of
my day and just like, running a bubble bath with
a book and a glass of wine. Or booking a massage, or
booking a therapy session. Or listening to a podcast
that makes me feel good, or reading a self-help book, or whatever it may be. Just taking time out of my
busy busy schedule for myself. Obviously it’s one of the most
cliche sayings in the book, but if you were pouring from an empty cup, aint nothing gonna come out girlfriend. And, by the end of this I really just felt so much better about
myself inside and out. I felt pampered. I felt treated. I felt loved. I felt important. I felt so much better
than when I first began, not just because I looked better, but because I took time to give myself a little bit of care. And it just made the world of difference. I love you guys so much, I really appreciate you
watching this video, and me kind of trying
out new things, you know? I hope that you will do
something for yourself today, that is just for you, and only you, because you deserve it. I will see you guys in the next video. Bye. (upbeat music)

84 thoughts on “i felt like crap about myself (and my body) so i made this video”

  1. Hi Carrie you should try dip powder nails it is harder to peel it off I have Anxiety too and I used to peel my gel nail polish off my mail place started doing dip powder and my nail tech recommended it for me and I haven’t gone back to gel nails

  2. I like to do a workout whenever i’m feeling down cause whenever I workout I only focus on myself; my breathing, posture, balance, and I kind of forget the outside world for 30 mins.

  3. Hugs to you! I so related to this video and esp your thumbnail! Not thriving here either!
    I also struggle with depression and anxiety and peel off gel polish All. The. Time.
    I hope in addition to pampering yourself you are getting some professional help! It does make a difference!!

  4. THIS. I can 100% agree that I rarely indulge in making myself feel better in meaningful ways. I think it's been that way for ~4 years now. There are small bits here and there, but nothing that ever gets me back into a real state of feeling great about myself. Thank you so much for this video. I've watched you for a while now but haven't commented (I'm trying to get better about that lol). You're always super honest, but in this video I think you really helped me realize I need to treat myself better, too ?

  5. Carrie!!!! Love you and love this video! A tip: you should try finding somewhere to work other than your house. I find that I feel like I have somewhere to get ready for even if I go to my work at a coffee shop! It’s very relaxing to me and makes me feel more productive 🙂 it’s like a bit of self care while still doing what you need to do.

  6. My ultimate self care routine is actually attending health care apppointments, like getting blood work and going to the dentist!

  7. A wave of sadness hit me out of nowhere today — I remember you posted this video and watching you invest time in yourself and feeling happier is rubbing off on me too lol. I LOVE how you always keep it real, you’re an inspiration ?

  8. Thank you for doing this video. I struggle with anxiety and depression and this was a great reminder that I need to take care of myself. Keep doing your thing, girl!

  9. Thanks for taking us along. That was fun. I’ve been feeling weird too. I thrift as well. I told myself “you have a lot of beautiful clothes, you don’t need to have a special place to go to look and feel good about yourself “ I’m working to keep the ball rolling. ?

  10. We love you! You are beautiful and feisty and honest and a great example for those struggling to talk about this stuff. Also, freaking love the stripes and overalls combo xx

  11. I’m a stay at home mom. Between taking care of everyone else and what I would agree with, depression, that is my look almost everyday. And sadly can’t afford to do any of those things. Sounds amazing. My self care
    Is showering like twice a week. Ugh I’m gross, but such as life. ?

  12. Thanks Carries, I loved this! I don't know to care for myself besides the typical ablutions and I definitely don't know how to relax. I need reminders like this.

  13. Hello I’m here to make a public service announcement that Carrie is a funny, inspiring, beautiful and perfect as she is, always, human being who deserves nothing but love and positivity

  14. ❤❤❤❤❤❤if you want a cost free care i recommend yoga its really calming and relackzing, yoga with adriene on youtube is amazing❤❤❤?????

  15. i'm so happy i came across your channel a few years ago and that you've used your platform to cover such important topics. I think you and i have a VERY similar body type/shape, and i look at you in admiration and think you're beautiful but struggle to see the same things about myself. when i watch your videos it is just a reminder to stop being so hard on myself. i love your content and respect you so much! thank you!!!

  16. Thanks for always being real. I massively appreciate it and am thankful i am not the only one in week old pjs! ?? btw you look beautiful here, no need for any extras babe. ???? xoxoxoxo

  17. I wrote a similar comment in a previous video but i can't recommend this enough. I'm talking about the book "Train Happy" by Tally Rye. It's a great book for anyone with body confidence issues like myself. I'm still reading it but it helps me soo much to feel better about myself and understand that there is nothing wrong with my body but with society.

  18. As an esthetician of 10 years i can honestly say when we see chin hairs or “imperfections “ we don’t judge , we see it all and it’s ALL PERFECTLY NORMAL. Most women in there early 30’s experience chin hairs , Myself included ??

  19. I feel compelled to tell you I just bought my first pair of bike shorts to wear under dresses – 100% thanks to you!!!! I think it’s going to be a huge game changer this summer ??????

  20. Thank you for being honest about all of this. I have been having a hard time waking up in the mornings to go to work and haven’t been taking care of myself. I don’t do my hair or makeup anymore. I can barely do the bare minimum. This makes me feel a lot less alone. I go out and see everyone with their hair done and their makeup all nice and I look at myself with my tangled hair and pale, makeup-less face and feel like I just don’t fit in. But it’s so nice to know I’m not alone

  21. I think this is very much a early 30’s kind of thing cause sister, I felt this! I felt so guilty getting my nails done last week for my birthday lol I work hard and earn this money. I should be spending some on me! I booked a hair appointment and a massage for next week so hooray I’m stoked!

  22. i was laying in bed (a tad hungover if im honest) on a beautiful 50+ degree day (in February in the midwest !!) and this video inspired me to get up, go for a walk, buy myself a coffee, and do some journaling outside. thank you carrie!!!

  23. Just know I love your videos and they make me so happy ? I’m old by your you g standards and I promise life will become simpler and it will all work out???

  24. I go every 4 weeks to my beautician and I go every 3-4 weeks to get my nails done and I love it. It is me time and just relaxing.

  25. Hey Carrie, I really think you should look into consistent therapy to help you in this self-care journey. A lot of the time when we do things to pamper ourselves, it is just a band-aid effect. We feel great for a week or three but then these issues come up again. Going to see a therapist every two weeks would do wonders for you in this sense as it keeps you consistent and on track. The days where you need to practice drastic "transformative" outwards self-care will diminish because you will be consistently taking care of yourself every day rather than just once a week. Mental health really is a vicious circle and every can benefit from it.

  26. thank you for talking openly about your mental health! It definitely something to be said that self care doesn’t need to be extravagant or expensive or inaccessible. For me self care is drinking a cup of tea and reading a chapter of a book for fun, maybe a face mask. And I feel that the average person would view that as more accessible! it’s different for everyone but I definitely wanted to mention this in the comments ?

  27. I’m glad I’m not the only one who leaves the dog hammock in the car. ?
    Also, LA drivers are so double mint extra.
    So proud of you for taking some time for yourself!

  28. Oof not showering because of depression is so real and happens way more than I care to admit BUT that's life and every small step is to be celebrated! Watching you pamper yourself actually made me feel better by proxy so thank you!

  29. I understand where you are coming from. I do delay taking care of myself or just don’t take the time. Last year I had my first well check up in years. Good thing too – have high blood pressure and treating it. My best feel better moment was last week when I got my hair done ( cut, color, foil). It had been about 6 months and I really needed it. So glad you are putting yourself on the list of people to take care of. It is easy to forget.

  30. Carrie – I just wanted to thank you for doing this. A lot of emphasis has been recently put on self care but not much discussion has been had around the anxiety and guilt that people can experience with it. I have always felt a need to justify taking care of myself first especially as a mom. I also worry about the judgement I feel even walking into a salon, etc that is usually completely in my head. I just really appreciate you doing this and love love your content. Thank you ♥️

  31. I always when watching someone that does YouTube full-time, think how hard that job is you're literally by yourself, the entire time you work, unless you collab with someone, and that has to be lonely, and I'm sure you have to get in your head sometimes and just be down, I don't know any normal person that wouldn't. I think that if you do this, miss Carrie, that you should do one good thing for yourself. Every month, you work hard, you deserve it, book it prior, so you don't back out because you know what at the end of the day you need to do this for yourself, you work hard, you deserve it, all of us, with typical jobs, interact with people we like and don't like, and our days flow kind of typical, but I can't imagine sitting in front of a camera when you don't feel great about yourself or your not feeling good on that day and still pushing through to videotape yourself just so people can be mean to you, I think it's brave, you deserve it, I want to see more of these, and a really cool trip with your friends for your job of course lol.

  32. You're beautiful babe! & your soul, heart, & inspiration are big, bright, & amazing! Stay real & raw! The world needs spirits like you!
    I've adapted to the sweatpants & homeless hair, don't care lifestyle; but my nails are done once a month. & F*** it! I'm comfy! I spent all week, minus work, in the same sweats & comfy long sleeve. & showered like 2 & a 1/2 times. Oh well! No shame!
    LOVE the FRIENDS sweatshirt!

  33. I always catch myself feeling like crap about myself when I haven't been exercising. Even just taking a 20 minute walk can do wonders for me mentally. ❤️ Love your videos and keep taking care of you

  34. Your videos are awesome!! I’ve recently discovered your channel and I’m so glad I did. I think you are a great role model and you help remind young girls that we are all awesome and perfection isn’t a thing. You also reminded me I need a day for myself as well!! Lol you got me with the chin hairs. I had to check mine myself… and I had two of them staring back at me ?

  35. I also find a nice self-care thing is paying for a car wash or an oil change instead of doing it myself, lol pamper my lil whip and give myself a break

  36. Honestly I’ve been having such a hard time lately and it really helps to know I’m not alone and that people I admire and see as so put together are going through similar things, even though I wish you weren’t. Thank you for being open about this!!!! So important

  37. Self care is different for everyone. It doesn’t have to be expensive, though it is super fun to do so. I struggle as well, being a mom there is not a lot of time for me…

  38. Thank you for sharing! I’ve been feeling the same way recently and it’s good to know that other people feel this too. I hope you feel more like yourself cause your awesome ❤️

  39. I really want to put a face mask on right now…. but I have to get my kid to the bus stop so shall resist until he’s fully off to school and I don’t terrify the elementary school kids ?

  40. Can you please do a "i give up using self tanner challenge video?" Embracing not only our body's shape but also our body's natural color. Think this could be powerful especially since you live in a warmer skin showing climate

  41. Totally get the ups and downs of a body love journey! Glad to see you trying to enjoy new things. When I feel like crap, I shower, exfoliate all the crevices, and shave EVERYTHING lol then bathe in lotion. Its a small thing, but damn does it help haha

  42. Girl preach. I love your honesty. It can be so hard to get good at ‘self care’ I’m still not good at it, I get into a head space where I feel like I don’t deserve the extra effort and it can be really hard to get out of that head space xxx

  43. GIRL I’ve been feeling the exact same way. I finally went in to talk to someone and accept that I’m not my usual happy self and that’s ok for right now. Honestly the hardest part for me is just accepting that I’m not ok. It’s hard! But that’s ok! We can get through it ❤️

  44. Anyone have any good “self care” things for someone who works 40+ hours a week and is on a tight budget. I love watching these types of videos but these sort of things are unrealistic for most people 🙁

  45. I don't comment on videos often but I've been watching your videos since around the end of 2018 and you and Sierra Schultzzie are my two favorite YouTubers (and I totally wish YouTube channels like yours existed when I was in high school!). I can actually relate to a lot of what you're saying. I've always struggled with being confident and having low self esteem, especially when it comes to body image. Two years ago I started becoming healthier both physically and mentally, only to relapse and fall into a really bad depression that started summer of last year. I'm finally in a much better place now as I recently cut out some very toxic people in my life, but it's definitely still an ongoing struggle. You seem like a sweet, down to earth person and I honestly think you are gorgeous! Whenever I watch any of your fashion videos where you try on clothes I think you rock all those outfits (especially the ones from American Eagle/Aerie, that's one of my favorite stores too!). It sucks that you've been feeling crappy, but like you said it's a normal thing, but you will get through it. ❤️

  46. I love you for being so honest and it definitely made me feel better about myself and the fact that I’m not perfect all the time. I hope you’re better you are truly beautiful inside and out ?

  47. I’m so glad you were able to pamper yourself Carrie, you totally deserve it! I too struggle with anxiety and feeling worthy of pampering myself at times but like you said self care can be almost anything even telling myself no when it important. It’s not always easy but it’s so worth it! I’m so glad to hear you’re feeling better even if it’s only a little bit and thank for being honest and sharing all sides of your process. Acceptance isn’t always easy and I’m so grateful your honesty and that you allow me and so many others to be a part of your journey.?❤️

  48. As someone who just went back to school and is working part time with a hella full plate, I felt this at my core and it was so nice to see someone share their struggles with anxiety and depression (cause samsies girl) and being so genuinely authentic. Love your videos and how wonderfully honest you are with your followers!

  49. I have a very strict budget, like everything tracked on Excel ugh, but I self treat to a massage once a month. I make it work. Massage Envy membership > Gym membership. Doing ONE thing for yourself once in a while is so important, love this <3

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