D: Ahoi, ahoi! P: Hello, Dan and Phil games e’s [both] the google e D: eeeeee P: Dan D: Obnoxious showboating show off asses P: They are- D: They feel the need to shove yourself in everyone’s faces P: No! They’re the wayward fun person at a party. and today if you haven’t guessed, if you didn’t read the description or the title why wouldn’t you do that we’re playing google feud again D: Google fued. P: Google fued? D: I can’t spell it; I keep doing f u e d. Ironically- P: I just spat all over myself, sorry D: -googling it. D: Why is there a single biscuit on the table in front of us? P: This is the final delicious macaroon in our house. Not a macaron! It’s a macaroon, which- D: What do you mean the final one? P: We’ve- I’ve eaten the rest of them. So, we’re goi- D: Woah, woah P: What? D: That’s the last one? P: This is the last one. [Dan] There were like, fucking eight! P: I was hungry.. D: I’ve had one. P: I’m sorry! D: I’ve literally had- P: Well, if you wanna have two- D: When did I have that?! P: -win the Google Feud! D: Two days ago! P: Shh! P: That is besides the point. D: You ate- P: Shhhhh. *BETRAYAL* *macaroon flashbacks* P: We are playing for this macaroon. D: *quietly* I’m not even joking. P: And it’s not a Dan vs. Phil ’cause we’ve already got that on the board on my side. D: So, we’re just competing for- P: Playing for food. D: -for a food. Okay *gives up*. P: Uhm, I’m gonna keep- D: A food. P: A food! P: If you’ve not seen this before go watch the last one where I explain it more. D: Bants! P: Go watch that. D: Basically, people google stuff- P: Yeah! D: -they do the first half of a sentence you have to guess- P: -what’s popular. D: -what’s people is doing. P: -what’s happening in the world. P: I’m gonna be keeping notes on pen and paper- this time on a death note. So, if I drop dead during this… D: So, we’re gonna die from the things that we’re googling. Basically. P: Are you Team Shibe again? D: Uhm, no. P: What are you? D: I am Team Condiments. (same) P: Oh, and I’m using a pencil that’s actually a pen. How crazy is that? D: That was confusing the shit out of me. What the hell? P: Team Condiments. D: Team Condiments. P: Do you wanna explain that? D: Uh, I ranted about this in a video on my side channel- go subscribe to danisnotinteresting for weekly hour long livestreams. P: Are we having plugs right now? D: Oh, Phil! Do you wanna wear some merch and talk about it for two minutes? P: Yeah. D: -talking to me about product placement. P: Alright. D: I like dipping things. P: Okay. I’m gonna be The Destroyer 2. ‘Cause I mean vengeance! D: So! You mean vengeance? Does that even make sense? P: Yes! D: This is… P: Can we just play the game? D:…A disaster D: Choose a category, Phil! P: I wanna do questions! D: Boop. *reads* Is it painful to_ P: Oh! I wanna go first! D: Right. What would people google? And think about this. P: Yeah. I know. D: I think this whole game is bullshit and it’s not based on truth. But I can- I can type. You say. P: I want to type. We need to get the keyboard in the middle. D: For God’s sake! This guy is such a needy- P: Is it painful to… give birth! D: I mean- that’s the- one of the big questions of life. Go! P: Yes! D: Yeah, that’s good. P: 3000. D: But… eighth! Is that much to be proud of Phil? P: I thought it would be more than that. D: Only the eighth most popular thing. You need to think. People are like: Okay, I’m doing this. Is it painful to go to the dentist. P: Why would anyone google that? Everybody’s already been to the dentist. D: Ffff-. This game is bullshit! *rage quits* We established that in the last video. P: Yeah. D: It’s not whatever the real search results are. Whatever. P: Nice youtube hoodie by the way. D: Oh, thank y-. Very appropriate. P: Yeah. D: ‘Cause, you know, google feud. Google own youtube. Google owns my life. P: Are you just sucking up to the boss right now? D: Ergo- I need- Put me on the trending tab please. P: Look. Youtube. We love it. D: I promise I won’t swear as much in the next danisnotonfire video. Joking. P: Is it painful to die. D: WHAAAT? OOOOHHH. YOU FFffff- P: Someone’s gonna get a sweet macaroon in his mouth tonight. D: I don’t even want it. *LIIEEES* P: Ten thousand points for Team Destroyer 2. D: Is it painful to die? Well, idiots using google, that depends on how you freakin die, doesn’t it? Peacefully in your sleep, getting hit by a train: they do different things. P: You could die inhaling cotton wool. D: Exactly! P: Come on! D: Is it painful to twerk? Right. P: Write that. D: No. (do it) What would people google? (i think we just established it was “die”) P: Just think about it. Think about the common folk of the world. D: Is it painful… (maybe) …toooooo…. …pull out hairs. *spits in anger* P: Oh no. Get waxed? D: Get waxed?! P: Oooh. Drown. Get an IUD, bleed out, overdose, donate eggs. Get a crown? Have sex. Starve to death. D: I mean- most of these people- it’s like: is it painful to drown? Yeah. P: It is painful to drown. D: Is it painful to bleed out? Yeah. Is it painful to starve to death? P: Yes. D: Well, what Danny’s learned from this round is: People are a lot more stupid that I thought. Okay. Names. P: Alright. D: Can’t go wrong. Okay. Michael Buble. Bam! P: Bubles in the eight! D: Michael Bubble. P: Jackson. Obviously. D: Mmh. I mean it gets to the point where- P: Wooo! D: Shit. I- P: Wait, how many did you get? D: I thought Buble would be more relevant than Jackson these days. I guess the King is eternally relevant. Okay. P: I haven’t been keeping score but I ??? D: Michael Macintyre. (who dat?) Oooh. Oof. P: Did you spell it right though? Has he got an a or does he have the Mc? D: Oh, god knows. Why did I type that. P: Michael Jordan! D: Shit. Shit! P: Yes! D: I’m so bad. P: 8000 D: Michael… 5sos. Oh for God’s sake! P: Oh, what’s he called… Michael Clifford! D: No, no, come on. People will- P: Oooh. Why isn’t anyone googling Michael Clifford? I’ve googled Michael Clifford. D: Michael Kors. Didn’t think about that. Michael Moore. See! See, see, see. Bullshit! (get ready guys) People aren’t googling Michael Moore more than they google Michael Phelps.(lol-rant) P: No. It’s true. D: I watched the Michael Moore documentary- P: Respect the rules! Respect the rules, Dan. D: -Michael Moore in Trump land. Did anyone else? Noo. P: Obviously, they did. D: People care about Michael Phelps. He wears speedos. People time! P: Alright. How to raise… a baby. D: Your penis. (find out tonight 😉) P: What!? *rage quits as well* How is that not there? How do people even know how to raise a baby by the way? Do you just learn it from mother nature? D: Alright. What would people say? What is an object that people struggle to raise? P: *sings* You raise me uuup! D: How to raise my self-esteem. How to raise… my wages. P: Noooo. How to raise… kittens! Yes! A kitten. D: Fuck off. P: 1000. D: You said a baby and-. How to raise a puppy. P: Oh, you take- you- oohaaaah. D: Does Dan care? *high pitched* Noooooo. P: Well, I mean, the scores are looking pretty uh, Team Destroyer, I think. D: Oh no, I want get your fff- crummy macaroons. P: Chill out, Dan. D: Whoa, okay. P: Come on. D: Right, you know I’m joking- P: Yes. D: -and I know I’m joking and lots of people know I’m joking. But there are some people watching this that don’t understand that I- P: He’s joking. D: I’m not actually mad, okay? P: He’s not mad. D: I’m just having fun. It’s funny to be competitive. P: He’s having a lol-rant. D: So, I don’t care- I’m having a lol-rant? Sure. How to raise… a penis. Type it. P: I’m not typing penis. No! D: A penis, my penis, your penis… P: You have the penis! I’m gonna- Stop saying penis. I’m gonna- D: Penis, penis, penis. P: I’m gonna say a bird. D: A bird? P: Yeah… D: A bird? P: Chickens is there! So… yes! That is a very popular question. D: How to raise a boring girlfriend? What?! P: Stop being mean, significant others. D: How to raise an adult. P: Chickens was there. Penis wasn’t there! Take that! D: Blood pressure. That’s basically the same thing. P: Another thousand for Philip! D: Just saying. P: I like the questions. D: I’m terrible. P: Question! Can I be a_ D: Can I be a… P: You can be anything if you really want to be. D: That is the correct answer. P: Except for invisible. (if you try hard enough) D: Can I be a… cannibal. Damn! P: Who would be searching for-? Oh, there was loads of cannibals last time, wasn’t there? D: Exactly! P: Doctor. D: Do you think it’s career focused? P: Yes! D: Oh, screw you. Lawyer. There we go. P: Oh, you started it by cheating again. D: *does chicken dance* Uh, what did you get? 5000? D: Five. P: Can I be aaaaa… pilot! D: Can I be aaaa… celebrity. Dammit! P: No. D: Thinking about modern career choices. P: A clown on halloween. Quite topical, that, actually, isn’t it? ‘Cause clowns are scary now. D: Can I be a model? says the person googling privately to themselves at 2 am. We’ve all been there. P: Male model. D: A model at 5’4. P: Yes, you can! You can be a model at any height. D: Change the standards. Foster parent. P: Nurse. Oh, I said doctor, but not nurse. A spy. I like that. If you’re googling that you get a little point from me. *high pitched fanfare* D: This game is bullshit. P: Okay, I think we should do one more. D: Right. P: And then we’ll call it a day. D: Oh my god, I really have to get number one on all of these if I stand a chance- P: Come one, Dan! D: – of getting that delicious sweet treat. P: Is duct tape safe for_? D: Waxing. Here we go. P: Who’s gonna use that for waxing? D: Oh! Nobody apparently. P: Uuh, is it safe for- D: Kidnapping your senpai. (yes- I mean whaaaat?) P: What is anyone gonna use duct tape for that it’s not meant for? D: Lots of things. Are you kidding me? P: Walls. There we go. D: Oooh, in case it takes the paint of. Well, is it safe for paint? I’m gonna choke myself. (kinky) Completely non-kink related. I just want death. (oh okay nevermind) I’d say bondage. P: Whouy? D: I think you should type in bondage. P: Fine! D: Phil… I’m joking. P: It wasn’t even there. Babies?! D: Wha-? P: Why would you-? D: Okay, I tried to stay relaxed. I don’t like screaming that often. Is duct tape safe for babies? P: Fish? D: What the fuck are you doing with a baby and duct tape you creepy fucking weirdos?! P: I think now is the time to stop. D: Is duct tape safe for dogs? Rats? Rabbits? P: I guess maybe- D: What are you doing with rats? P: -on their collars? (couture) D: Hamsters? Cats? Skin? Why are they saying skin? If it’s not waxing then what are they doing? (some kinky shit) P: I don’t know. D: Kidnapping! (well I was wrong) P: I don’t wanna know. D: Google must know the weirdest shit about humanity. P: Yeah. D: This game is too much for me. P: It’s too much! D: It’s like looking down a dark hole of what actually is going on in the world. When you think most people are kind of normal. You know how there’s like the outside public selves? P: Yes. D: That are like- the people. But then there’s the weird shit that you think that you don’t actually- P: Your inner self. This is the inner self! D: Exactly. So, like, just the embarrassing weird stuff- P: Yup. D: – you might google at like 4 am. Incognito window. P: It’s right here. D: Google knows it. P: They know. D: Google knows. P: They save it. D: And, as I was saying, there’s nothing wrong with that ’cause Google can do no wrong. P: Yayyy, Google! (Phil what are you doing with your hand?) D: Everything’s fine. P: Anyway, more importantly: I win! D: If you see this on the trending tab it’s ’cause we sold out. P: I win, I win, I win! D: Well done, Phil. P: I don’t even need to add it up. Look at my column! D: Oh my god, that’s just so- it’s a thicc column. P: It’s so thicc. We said thicc at the same time. D: And here’s your price. No, Phil! P: What? I thought you were gonna eat it. D: I have to feed you. It’s like the Dan vs. Phil- I don’t want it. (lie) Phil is the Dan vs. Phil board. Here we go. P: What are you doing? D: I’m feeding it to you. P: Why is it so slow? (Mmm yass) P: I don’t like it! I just wanna eat it normally. *Phil hums victory music while chewing* D: You do not get to play medal ceremony! D: No, no, no, no, no. Sacrilege. Just chose another happy sound effect. Kids cheering. P: Yayy! *kids cheering* D: Well done, Phil and a big not well done to humanity for being weird af to be honest. And there we go. P: This is so good. D: That was Dan and Phil playing Google Feud. P: Oh my god. D: We thought we’d do it again as you really seemed to love it last time. If you want us to do more let us know. P: Thumb it! D: If you don’t and you’re like: Tired of this shit. People are too weird; you’re scaring me. Also let us know. P: Yeah. D: And we’ll see you next time. P: Subscribe by clicking subscribe. And also: ding the bell. I’m sorry I’m speaking with my mouth full. D: Phil, you’re so impolite. Ring that bell to get notifications. You can click on our last video over there, which might distract you from the horror of humanity P: Go have fun! D: And we’ll see you next time when Phil will have eaten another fourteen biscuits secretly. P: Oh, yeah. Bye!