Hi I’m Jenny. I’m here for my 3 o’clock appointment with
Doctor Ramsay. Okay. Jenny. Go ahead and fill this out and we’ll be with
you shortly. No, but I was just here last week. We have all our patients fill that out so
that we can better assist you. No, this is just a follow up appointment about
my medication. Look, honey, I don’t make the rules. The insurance company requires all this crap. So just do it. No, I ju… I’m finished. I’m finally finished. Can I see
the doctor now? Okay. Hmmmmm. I’m sorry, sir, but your insurance is expired. We can’t see you today. But if you want to go ahead and reschedule
your appointment, you can give us a call. Sobs. Okay I’m just going to fill this out over
here. Oh! No need. He’ll see you in Room 2. Alright. Hello, Jenny, I’m Doctor Ramsay, and I’ll
be taking care of you today. It seems like you’re having a problem with
the last prescribed medication, Screwitol. What seems to be the problem? It’s just the side effects are getting too
much for me to handle right now. What side effects are you experiencing? Well dry mouth, constipation, diarrhea, shortness
of breath, there’s leakage coming from my ears, I’m quacking like a duck at random times,
decreased libido, and I was in a coma for a week. Just my migraines haven’t improved since I
started taking this godforsaken drug. Well according to the internet, all those
side effects are normal. So what seems to be the problem? Didn’t you just hear me?! I was in a coma for a week! And I’m quacking I’m QUACK QUACK! I’m quacking like a duck at random times. I just want to be done with medications. Now now now we’ve only tried fifty medications. Maybe if we try this new one, Makeyoutriptan. That might work. We could try that. No. No. I don’t want to do any more drugs! I want to give my body a break. Don’t you have any alternatives to medications
that I can try? Wait. Maybe we can try this new procedure here. You drill two holes in your head at home. It seems perfectly reasonable and safe. Here look at this video on here. We could try that. [Drilling sounds and screams] Oh my God! No! You are a QUACK QUACK! A monster of a doctor! Why are you consulting the internet instead
of knowing how to relieve my migraines? Well migraines are tricky, you know. When I went to med school we didn’t spend
much time on migraines. Not as a medical procedure but more like a
money making scheme. You understand, right? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?! Fine I’m going to try my own alternatives. I never want to see another doctor or this
office again! Ugh! [music] Oh hey Jessie. It’s Jenny. So when are we going to go ahead and follow
up? Never. I’m not coming back here. So what’s my bill? Uhhhh. [smacks gum] Five hundred dollars. Five hundred dollars?! Why am I paying five hundred dollars for a
doctor that consults the internet for my treatment and doesn’t even listen to me?! Well, Jaynie… Jenny! Looks like it’s your insurance copay. Cash or credit? I’m broke. Can’t you just bill me later? No, I’m sorry, we don’t do that. But maybe a loan officer could help you out? Fine. Whatever. Claire? Hey it’s Ida. God is it five o’clock yet? You going to join me for happy hour? Fantastic! Yeah we got another one. Another hypochondriac who can’t pay her bill. [Laughs] Oh my God, Claire, you’re so funny. Alright, hun, I’ll send her down. Our loan officer, Claire Moneymaker, is down
the hall. She’ll be able to help cut you a deal. Fine, but I’m never coming back here again! [Creepy music] Jenny, how are you doing today? Seriously. Just don’t ask those stupid ass questions. Now how can I take care of this ridiculous
bill and go home? Well we’re going to need to run your credit
to find a suitable term and rate to fit your situation. So I’m going to need you to sign on the dotted
line, take a vial of blood and two teeth as collateral. Blood and teeth?! What the hell kind of place is this?! Now now no need to ask questions. Can I get your license and social security
number? Fine my social is 123456789 and here’s my
license. Um I do have to warn you, though. I was in a coma for a week and I’ve had a
lot of trouble with migraines so I haven’t been able to work much. So I really don’t have that much income to
work with. It’s not a problem. [types in computer] Okay. Well it looks like the plan that you qualify
for is the One Way Ticket To Hell Package. This is common for those that have money issues. Basically what you’ll do is you’ll sell your
soul and once you die, which will probably be soon, your soul will belong to the devil! Sound good?! No. Here are your papers. What the hell kind of plan is that?! No I won’t sell my soul! Are you insane!?! Well I can’t let you leave here alive until
we’ve come up with a plan to settle your debt. So it’s either this, or you never leave. Ever. Fine. Whatever. It’s not like I’ll be useful in Hell anyway. Well thank you for choosing Soul Sucking Financial
for all your debt situations. Is there anything else I can do for you, today? No, I guess not. Okay. See you soon.

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