Grif: And then I thought, you know, we could sneak around the side while they were hiding behind the rock, but, uh, well, that’s when the tank showed up and… shit just started blowin’ up. I don’t know. Sarge: [sighs] Grif… do you have any godly idea how much this piece of equipment costs? Grif: I-I don’t know, like, uh, what… ten, t-ten- twenty, twenty-five bucks, maybe? Uh… You-you’re gonna kill me now, aren’t you? Sarge: Tell you what, Grif. I’m a fair man. I’ll give you a ten second head start here before I let Lopez do anything he wants to you. Grif: Guys, I just want you to know, I’m really, really sorry here, and- Sarge: Five Mississippi. Six Mississippi. Grif: Okay, uh, I guess I better get going then. [gunfire] [gunfire]
Hey guys, that’s not funny! Somebody could get hurt here. [shots] [shots]
Tucker: That’s basically it, sir. They have five guys over there and a big jeep. Tex: And your flag. Tucker: Right, that too. Uh, hey, Tex? [explosion]
Uh, hey, Tex? I don’t know what it’s been like at your other bases, but we try not to use other soldiers as target practice here. Caboose: I’m scared. Tucker: So, you’ve got the Special Forces black armor, I see. Were you in the Special Forces at some point? Yeah, I used to have black armor too. It was black because I got this stuff all over it from th- O-Oh, okay, you gotta go? I’ll see you later. Caboose: [whispers] I don’t think he likes you. Tucker: Thanks. Where are you going? Tex: Red Base. Kill everybody. Get the flag back. Caboose: Oh. Okay! We’ll just stay here and guard the trans…porter. Grif: So, Sarge thought my strategy had merit, but was poorly executed. Probably because SOMEBODY didn’t believe in it. Simmons: Bullshit! He told me he thought you were a retarded monkey, and he’s gonna suspend your weapon privileges. Donut: Hey, since I captured the flag, you think they’ll give me my own color armor now? Simmons: What do you mean “captured?” You thought you were buying it at the store, you idiot. Donut: Still, you think there’s a shot? Simmons: Maybe they’ll give you Grif’s armor, since he destroyed the Warthog. Grif: [laughing slightly] Yeah. W-wait. You don’t- you don’t think they’d do that, do you? Sarge: Try connectin’ that hose to that metal thingy there. I think that’s what’s makin’ that rattle. I… think I’ll let you do it. What the…? What was that? Grif: Simmons, what’s going on? What’s over there? Simmons: I thought I saw something for a second. Grif: Hey, rookie, tuck the flag someplace safe until we can figure out what’s going on. Donut: Good idea. I was sick of carrying this thing anyway. Simmons: Did you hear that? Grif: Yeah. Donut: [whispers] Hey. What’s going on? Grif: What the fuck? Donut: What?! Simmons: What is that thing? Donut: What thing? Grif: There’s something on your head. Donut: What, is it a spider? Get it off! Simmons: No, it’s not a spider, it’s like a blue thing. Donut: What, like a blue spider? Get it off! Grif: It’s not a spider! Calm down. It’s some kinda… fuzzy pulsating thing. Donut: That doesn’t sound much better than a spider. Simmons: Does it hurt? Donut: No. Simmons: Maybe we should try to take it off. Grif: Good idea. Go for it. Simmons: Me? By “we” I meant “you.” Asshole. Donut: Well, somebody needs to get it off. Look, it might be dangerous. [explosion] Grif and Simmons: Son of a bitch! [grunting, beeping] Grif: So- Where’d he go? Simmons: Greetings, fellow web surfer! Be sure to subscribe to our channel before you go! It’ll be just like we’re friends! Not that I… need… friends. [nervous laughter] Please don’t go.