Okay, I provided the flash of inspiration. Now I’m stuck with three hard days of programming. Teamwork! Don’t touch me! Okay. What are you doing? What? The TV’s broken so I
came over here to watch your TV. What do you call this show,
Numbers, Numbers, Numbers? Alright. Until I have time to fix your TV,
you can watch stuff online. Ooh! Watching stuff online!
That’s right! That is popular! It’s revolutionizing viewing habits. Thanks, Ben. Now please stop bothering us! Yeah! We’re trying to work!
What flavor are these? Now, which of my favorite TV
shows should I search for? Ooh, how about… That’s Not My Lunch? That schoolboy always has the wrong lunch. – Oops!
– Attention! Click here! This could be the most
important link you’ll ever click! Pfft, yeah right. I’m not falling for that. Not falling for that? Excellent. But nothing you do will ever be more
life-changing than clicking this link! Nice try. But I don’t think so. Congratulations! By not clicking the first
two ads, you’ve proven you’re smart. Click here and your mother
will always be proud of you! It’s true, dear! I will be so proud if you
click and so disappointed if you don’t. Mom? Ooh, spooky! Oh, hello. So you want to be a doctor. And
maybe even a renowned Internet doctor like myself. But do you think you have what it takes? Pop quiz. Question number one: What
organ of the body pumps blood? A: The heart. B: A shoe. Or C: Count Dracula. Ooh! I know that one. Click. You clicked A: The heart. Very good! Question number 2: Do you or one
of your roommates have a major credit card? Hmm. Ooh! Uh-huh! Congratulations! You have been
accepted to Dr. Internet Doctor’s Online Medical School! And as a special
promotion: your first two classes are free! Free, free, free… Guys, you won’t believe this! Free classes not actually free, failure
to pay will result in demand for payment, All sales final, free parking with validation, dry clean only, do not dry clean, 2 shows nightly, 2 drink minimum, batteries not included, As seen on TV, copyright 2004, Wi-Fi not included, some assembly
required, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money… You could never be a doctor, Hank. Looks like this young man needs a lollipop. Wow, thanks, Dr. Hank! I had
a disease where I needed a lollipop and then you gave me a lollipop.
And now I have a lollipop and I am cured. So thanks, bye. See, that’s what doctors do.
We hand out lollipops. Now, who wants to be my first practice patient? – Yeah, no.
– No. Okay, one question, Doctor, if we
refuse to be a practice patient, will you harangue us day and night until we agree? Yeah. That could work. Aaaaaaaaah. Angela, here’s my diagnosis.
Your mouth is very… very… dark! You were able to figure that out after
one day in online medical school? Wow. I know, right? Have a lollipop. Whatever you say, Doctor. Tell me, have you had any recent aches or pains? Well, when you called me in here for
a check-up, that was kind of a pain. In the neck. Ha ha ha. Very funny, Tom. But the
doctor’s office is no place for jokes. Yeah, there’s pretty much no doctor jokes at all. – Yeah, have a lollipop and get out.
– Whatever. Well, Ben, you definitely have a wrist. Is this going to take long?
I was kind of in the middle… Uh-oh. What? I coughed. It’s nothing. Is it? U-uh, I don’t know. I watch a lot of TV
and when someone coughs in the first part of a show, it’s never
nothing. I better consult my medical school textbook… It’s digital. Uh-oh. Oh, that’s not good. What? What is it? Oh, nothing. This thing’s almost out of batteries. Hm, let me ask you this. Do you ever feel tired? Ha! My mind is always alert, so I would say – never. Sometimes. Have you ever had a runny nose? I have one right now. Have you ever had an upset stomach? Did you hear that? Okay-okay, there’s nothing to worry about
probably, as long as your left hand doesn’t itch. How much of an itch? Well, it says here the itch would
be barely noticeable at first, but the more you think
about it, the more it itches. That’s exactly what’s happening right now. Ben, I can’t even say what this is. Why?! Because it’s that bad? No, because it’s really hard to pronounce.
But this condition is not good. Give it to me straight, Doc. Well, there’s a fifty-percent
chance it’s nothing. But there’s a sixty-percent chance that you’re in bad shape. I need to do some research. Have these. Normal? This stupid thing is
obviously not working! I’m burning up. Hey, Ben. I just passed by your
work station, and I noticed that there was a station there, but no work. Sorry, Tom. I can’t work.
I have to take a sick day. Okay, well that was real.
But Ben, you’re not sick. It’s all in your head. Hank doesn’t
know what he’s talking about. Excuse me, Tom. One of us was
accepted into online medical school! So please leave me to my patient. Yeah! Visiting hours are over, Sir! Ben, your illness is definitely
what I suspected. And it’s… scary. Oh no! How scary? Well, I’ve been kind of a doctor for
almost two days and I’ve never seen anything this serious. Ben, I’m afraid
you’re going to need sugary… Surgery. This confirms what I feared all along. Well, confirming fears is the
number one job of the doctor. Maybe I should get a second opinion. Okay, I’ll give you one. In my opinion
ice cream is more delicious than frozen yogurt… But back to your condition – if you don’t
get the surgery, can I have your stuff? When can you fit me into your schedule, Doctor?
No, wait, what if I try alternative medicine? Listen, Ben, you don’t need
surgery. You just need to relax. Here, breathe in some of this incense. Can’t breathe! Need air! Here’s what we’re going to do.
I’m going to send you healing energy, heart-to-heart, until you’re feeling better. Now, are you ready for your hug? Hug? No! No hugging! I want the surgery! Don’t worry, Ben. It’s an easy five minute
procedure any doctor could do with his eyes closed. Which is really good, because
I do not want to see anything icky. First make an incision here, no I’m sorry, not there, over here, and then you – no not there either, eh, split the difference Oh, that is messed up. And it’s as simple as presto magico! Oh dear, that doesn’t look right I can do this! I am an Internet doctor. Steady. Into Benny. – Whoa, stop.
– Thank goodness! Ben, this is insane.
You can’t let this happen! Tom, stop, there’s only a point zero, zero,
zero, zero, zero, zero, one percent chance that I’ll survive this operation today.
But there’s no chance that I’ll survive the illness. It’s simple math! I couldn’t
possibly get up if I try. Guys, no more talking! We have to
begin stat! That’s a medical term. Tom, you can’t just stand there. Do something. Ah! Fine! You know what? If you’re
so sick, then I guess I’ll have to go to your computer and touch your computer
and program your computer and our app myself. Ha, fine, what does it matter? Gee, I hope I don’t mess up any of
your code. Oh don’t worry, I know how this works. I take my hands, I bang it
on this computer thing and all the magic comes up. Uh-oh, oops. Hey, Ben, is there an undo button? Tom, don’t you dare touch my code! Ben, I thought you were sick
and needed an operation. Well, I’m suddenly feeling
much better. So back off! Ben’s cured! I did it! And
I don’t even know what I did! Wait till I tell Dr. Internet Doctor! … and so this doctor had his very first success! And, your last! You failed to pay
for your two free classes, so I am forced, Hank, to kick you
out of online medical school. Aw! Perhaps you should try
being an Internet dentist. Click the link at the bottom of the page now! I don’t think so. Ha… Well, this patient is cured. Thanks, Doctor Ben. You know, if you really want to be a doctor,
you could always go back to college… Nah. This has taught me an important
lesson: Never trust a popup. Definitely. Besides, right now, I have a better idea… And now back to tonight’s
episode of Hippo Hospital. I may be a hippo, but
I follow the Hippocratic oath. Yeah, you do! These lollipops don’t have much flavour. Oh well… Filthy nasty reindeer pooping on
my snowman, pooping on my snowman. Get off the stage. Filthy nasty reindeer, pooping on my snowman, pooping on my snowman Get off the stage!