The Illusion: This is The Illusion, reporting
from somewhere on Spaceship Earth. I’m in
the terra cruiser, Pasadena, California. Jammed up my neck surfing, saw stars. And I
got recommended to come out here to Pasadena to see an acupuncturist. It sounds
great if you’re not afraid of needles. I don’t like needles. You know that was the reason I
didn’t become an intravenous drug user. I mean, when Neo gets the needles in him in
The Matrix, Neo was able to make bullets disappear. If it’s on that level, what I’m really
hoping for when I get out of the acupuncture – that I don’t have to drive, I can fly home. Hi, my name is The Illusion. You can see. I kind of farmed it right there. That’s pretty radical. I’m not your typical surfer dude. I love to ride the wave called life. Free as a bird. Life is a trip, and the more you discover,
the stranger it gets. So follow my journey on
Spaceship Earth, as I try some weird and unusual things. In the end, you might just
discover something that is meant to be part of your life. I’m going to walk into that building over
there. I’m going to feel like a million and one
dollars when I get out. Yes, here we go. The Illusion: Hi. Nurse: Hi. The Illusion: I’m here for I’m acupuncture
appointment. Dr. Kang: Hi, to see Dr. Kang? The Illusion: I’m The Illusion, nice to meet
you. Dr. Kang: Nice to meet you, too. The Illusion: Alright. Dr. Kang: This way. The Illusion: Okay. Dr. Kang is apparently the real deal when
it comes to acupuncture. She studied at like a lot of big universities
somewhere. Dr. Kang: Good. Can I see your back of tongue, like this? The Illusion: But apparently, Eastern medicine
has an unconventional way of checking to see if you’re healthy. Dr. Kang: When Yin and Yang is almost equal,
this is healthy condition. Yin is more
liquid cold side of body. Yang is more heat. So that’s your body condition is extremely
strong, but it is (2:20?) weak So Yang seems a little active. The Illusion: I’m not going to lie. I have no idea what she’s talking about. Dr. Kang: You’re losing more essence. The Illusion: Because I’m expending it? Dr. Kang: Yes. The Illusion: I have bad essence. I did not come here thinking my essence was
disappearing. I think that was probably the most alarming
thing I’ve heard in quite a while. And I haven’t even gotten a needle in me yet. Well let’s put some needles in me
and get my essence corrected. Dr. Kang: Okay, so are you ready? The Illusion: I’m ready, okay. Dr. Kang: Okay, great. The Illusion: Let’s do this. Dr. Kang: Okay. So I want you to prepare. Just remove all your clothes, and just keep
underwear. The Illusion: Under– I don’t have any. Dr. Kang: Oh, okay. Nothing under your pants? The Illusion: Just me. Dr. Kang: Okay. I don’t have underwear for you but– The Illusion: ‘Cause you have your own (3:14?) Dr. Kang: I have all my underwear on, yes. But okay, just remove everything. I’m not
going to see it, okay? The Illusion: Okay. Dr. Kang: Yeah, so just get in between sheets
and face down position. The Illusion: I’ve really never been kind
of embarrassed about my underwear situation before until now. And I don’t have any, so what do you do? What are you going to do in
these situations? You’ve just got to run with it. I’m rather nervous. I’m naked between
the sheets. I’ve set the precedent of embarrassment between
me and Dr. Kang, which she might actually stick the needle through
my heart now. Is it going to hurt? Dr. Kang: No. It’s not hurt. You might have a little, like, pricking feeling. Are you scared? The Illusion: A little bit. Dr. Kang: Okay. The Illusion: I’ve never done this before. Dr. Kang. Of course. Of course, everybody – The Illusion: First time, yeah. Dr. Kang: Yeah, first time. The Illusion: You don’t know till you go,
right? Okay. It’s not the dentist. That would be my first, like, reaction. That’s nice. Dr. Kang: So these points improve your Ying. This is very good points. The Illusion: This is good for my essence. I don’t want to lose my essence. Dr. Kang: So this one is good for activating
your sexual activities. The Illusion: Oh, nice. Dr. Kang: Yes, it’s a very sensitive. You’ll be really good tonight. The Illusion: Honey, I’m coming home. Dr. Kang: Oh, I’m going to leave you, like,
20 minutes in this position. The Illusion: I won’t walk away. Dr. Kang: Okay. Okay, I’ll be back in 20 minutes, okay? The Illusion: Thank you, Doctor. Dr. Kang: Thank you. The Illusion: It’s pretty amazing, she knew
what she knew by just looking at my tongue and sticking a needle in my ankle. I’ll give her that, man. Isn’t that the thing with Eastern
medicine, man? They’re like, on it. On it, man. Like I’m going to go walking into a Kaiser
hospital now. They don’t know anything about me, dude. They don’t know about my
essence. She was worried about my essence, and I’m
worried about my essence. I’m
going to pretend to relax for the next 20 minutes and let these needles do their thing. I
hope the big one doesn’t strike. Dr. Kang: Can I come in? The Illusion: Yes, Doctor. Dr. Kang: Okay. The Illusion: I was – well I was here for
a surfing injury, not an essence issues. Uh-oh. Dr. Kang: Uh huh, so – I will move to cupping. The Illusion: Okay. Dr. Kang: Okay? The Illusion: I’m getting cupped. Oh, my essence is out. Oh dude, it’s worse than I
thought. This is the unexpected twist, man. Dr. Kang: Okay so, Illusion, this is Dr. Lee. The Illusion: Hi, Dr. Lee. Dr. Lee: Hello, how are you? Dr. Kang: He doesn’t wear underwear, so just
watch out for– Enjoy, Illusion, okay? The Illusion: Thanks, Dr. Kang. Dr. Kang: You’re welcome. From what I understand, cupping therapy is
going to promote blood flow and healing with suction and fire. Apparently, this is alternative medicine. Wow, that’s a flame. Dr. Lee: We’re gonna make a negative pressure
with the fire. The Illusion: Okay, here we go. Rapid fire cupping. Dr. Lee: This shows you how your condition
is, as a color. The Illusion: Okay. What’s a good color? Dr. Lee: In your case, a little dark. And that means circulation is not that good. The Illusion: Essence problem. Oh jeez, everyone just keeps saying the same
thing over, and over. I’m going to cry. If (7:07?) I’m kinda getting depressed. Dr. Lee: Can I keep going? The Illusion: Oh, yeah. That’s the end of the cups? Oh, that’s something trippy going on. Dr. Kang: Can I come in? Okay, so how was the cupping? The Illusion: I rather enjoyed the cupping. Now I know what an octopus kiss feels like. So, how’s my color? Good essence? Dr. Kang: You have lots of kidney Yin issues. Your essence, you know, issues. Otherwise
uh– The Illusion: Oh, that’s not an encouraging
sound. Dr. Kang: Yeah, so do you have lots of stress? The Illusion: I just had a kid, work’s (8:04?)
slow. I guess that would be stress. Dr. Kang: Yeah, a little bit here. Like we call – this is emotional issue, too. The Illusion: What would be the one thing
I could do to begin to affect a positive essence? Dr. Kang: You have to change little bit, your
diet. Start with some warm water. The Illusion: Warm water. Dr. Kang: With a squeeze of lemon. And switch to cooked food. The Illusion: Okay. So it’s not terminal? Dr. Kang: No. The Illusion: No, I’m going to– Dr. Kang: It’s still fixable. The Illusion: This is the one thing I’m confused
on: I have good quality sperm. Isn’t that
my essence, too? Like– Dr. Kang: Yeah, that’s your essence too. But how do you know you have a good quality
of sperm? The Illusion: I’ve got a 6 month old kid that
says it’s A+. Dr. Kang: Sure. But you know, as you age it’s going to – qualities
decrease. The Illusion: I got in at the buzzer dude. Dr. Kang: And you can have lots of Illusion
Juniors. The Illusion: Well thank you, you’ve been
a delightful doctor. Dr. Kang: Thank you so much. I hope I will see you soon. The Illusion: Yes. Definitely, thank you Doctor Kang. . Dr. Kang: Okay, so please get changed. Thank you. The Illusion: It’s information overload. My big dream about like flying home is gone. It’s
dashed upon the rocks. I just barely slid into the window of saving
my essence. What is
my essence? It’s good quality sperm. Just on the laymen’s term, that’s what I got
from her is – if your essence is not good, your
sperm is low quality. But I don’t want to age
prematurely – my cap (9:47?) is out, the fire is healthy, but my essence is not. What is
my essence? Like, what is that? What is my essence? Essence – is that? Well, this is he
Illusion reporting from Dr. Kang’s Eastern Medicine Acupuncture office. And I have low
essence. Hm. Hm. Dr. Lee: Oh that’s makes me sad, oh. Well, that’s it, right? What else can you say?


  1. Don't we all wanna take some magical Shot that makes us fly? id say uh yes?
    My astral body takes flight when I sleep but my Physical body tends to stay in my bed.
    The essence is the Presence of your soul in the room my friend. (Nice way of saying you were not very energetic or ecstatic) that's what I got from it anyways.

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