Hey everyone. Thank you so much for checking back. Today I’m going to talk a little bit about
Avoidant Personality Disorder. So stay tuned. So like I said, Today we are going to talk about
Avoidant Personality Disorder. And I have my handy dandy new DSM, Pretty and purple. So exciting. And the way that Avoidant
Personality Disorder is discussed, Is kind of like what it sounds like. You’re avoiding interpersonal experiences, Either because you’re really
worried they wont like you. Or you’re really
fearful that they may not. Or you may embarrass yourself. And people will make fun of you and
you’re just really sensitive to that. So the way that it’s
described in the DSM is, ‘Avoidant Personality Disorder is a
pervasive pattern of social inhibition,’ ‘Feelings of inadequacy,’ ‘And hypersensitivity
to negative evaluation,’ ‘Beginning in early adulthood and
present in a variety of context.’ Now it gives seven ‘contexts’ and you
have to have at least four or more. And if any of you are concerned that
you may have this personality disorder, And you want to get evaluated. I would encourage you
to call a professional. Either a therapist, a
psychologist, or a psychiatrist. Any of them will do. And they can assess you properly to
make sure that we are not self diagnosing, And we are not taking any action, Before we actually know if this is
something that we have, okay. Now the first context is, We avoid occupational activities that
involve significant interpersonal contact, Because of fear of criticism,
disapproval, or rejection. And that makes sense right, We’re just avoiding it because we don’t
want anybody to say anything bad, We don’t want to feel
like we’re not included. Number two says, ‘Is unwilling to get involved with
people unless certain of being liked.’ So meeting new people
we’ll be really fearful. Going out with one of our
friends and she’s like, ‘Oh yeah, I’ll introduce you to Sally and
Suzie, and Jeremy, and Jessie from work.’ And you’re like, ‘Ahhh! They might not like me. I don’t
want to go. I’m going to stay home.’ Or you may fake sick. [Fake coughing] Because you are really scared, right. Number three, ‘Shows restraint within
intimate relationships,’ ‘Because of their fear of
being shamed or ridiculed.’ And this is actually the one
that most of my clients, Who struggle with this will come
to me and talk about most. Is, ‘I have this guy that I kind of like
but, you know, he’s just getting too close,’ ‘And I don’t know. I think he,
I don’t think he likes me.’ And it’s like we push people away. It’s almost as if instead of
having them reject us, It’s easier for us to reject them. And to stay out of relationships. Because it would be more
hurtful to us, we feel, For them to end up leaving us or
saying something hurtful to us later on. Is that clear? Okay. Now part number four it says, ‘Is pre occupied with being criticised
or rejected in social situations.’ Now this just means that
we ruminate about it. We think about it all of the time. Any situation or anything we might
go out to the grocery store, We might go grab a coffee, Or anything we worry, ‘I may come in counter, you know,
someone might see me,’ ‘And I come in contact with them,
and I might do something embarrassing.’ And it overwhelms us so much
that we wont want to do anything. Some people end up, you know,
sometimes staying in their house a lot. They wont advance in their
careers as well and as quickly. Because it’s really debilitating. Now the fifth context
that they give says, ‘Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations
because feelings of inadequacy.’ So it’s almost like what I talked about, You can see how this overlaps
with a lot of eating disorder behaviour. Our self harm struggles. As well as if any of us
have body image issues. Or we really worry about, we
have body dysmorphic disorder. You can see how these all kind of
share certain characteristics. And that’s why it’s important and we
get assessed by a professional. So this one is just saying that we
don’t like to go into new situations, Because we are afraid that we wont like,
measure up to whatever their expectations of us are. Even when we don’t know
what the expectations are, We just don’t even want to engage, Because we are too scared. Now the sixth one is, ‘Views self as socially inept, personally
unappealing, or inferior to others.’ And that’s why I talk about it tying
so closely with bad body image, And also if we listen to that
negative voice all of the time, If many of us struggle with depression. Or self harm. Or that eating disorder
voice that we hear. It can often times put us down so
much that we believe it, right. And that’s kind of like what
number six is talking about. Now number seven,
and the final characteristic is, ‘Is unusually reluctant to take personal
risks or engage in any new activities,’ ‘Because it may prove to be embarrassing.’ And that’s why I said a lot of my
clients will struggle to go out at all, They want to stay at home. And they will want to not engage, Because it’s really fearful. And when we talk
about personality disorders, It really means that
it’s extremely pervasive. It’s invaded a lot of our life. It’s overwhelmingly debilitating. And we really struggle. And the reason avoidant personality
disorder can be so difficult, Is because it kind of isolates us. Imagine feeling afraid to be
involved with anybody. Usually the only people that my
clients feel safe with is family members, Because they have been
around for a long time. And like I said at the beginning, This usually develops in early adulthood. So we’ve had that whole time with them, Those people that have been
‘grandfathered’ into our live, That already know about us, right. And so, if this is something that
you find yourself struggling with, Honestly, the best thing to do is, DBT Therapy. Which I will talk about in another video
and you can check that out. So make sure you subscribe to
my channel so you don’t miss it. And also just seeing a therapist
and working with them. Something that I do with
a lot of my clients is, Part of our work together will be outings. Where we will go out into public places. And I will have them rate their anxiety. It’s almost that CBT portion of DBT, Where we will take them out and I’ll say, ‘Okay, what’s your anxiety on one to ten?’ And then we will try
to increase a little bit. And I’ll say, ‘Okay now we’ll
go, we’ve done enough work.’ And then we will try to calm down. And we’ll talk about it. And we’ll talk about their experience. And I will talk about my experience of it. So that we can come together, And we can kind of get a better grip and
a better understanding of what’s going on, What our experience of it is. And we can help to self sooth. So that we can kind of push through these
limitations that this personality disorder gives us. And we can go on to
live happy healthy lives. So I would encourage you to get some help. Join a group if you can later
on in your treatment. Because I find that really helpful too. And keep working with me, As we work together towards a
healthy mind and a healthy body. She ruined the suit and
tie pretty much for me. ‘Suit and tie.’ What? Subtitles by the Amara.org community

100 thoughts on “What is Avoidant Personality Disorder? AVPD symptoms and therapy – Mental Health with Kati Morton”

  1. I had this problem in my early adult years in college and into my late 30s.

    I have halitosis and constantly get embarrassed being around people. It ridiculous to be always wary of feeling shamed.

    All I did was accept myself and develop a thick skin. I decided I can't live like a hermit I was young and wanted to enjoy a little bit. I will only live once and didn't want to waste it.

    I still find myself somewhat avoidant many times. But I try to distract myself and try to be positive about myself.

    Also, I still have strong feelings of regret and resentment because I feel I did not develop well enough to be successful. I just get by nowadays but I can say that i am fully functional and many times is truly happy and contented.

  2. i really don't worry if people like me or not…i for me i avoid people because interactions drain me… does this make sense..? talking and relating to a person is just so draining me of all energy… every-time..

  3. call a professional…most of us cannot afford you. i dont hang with people I work with especially if they like to drink and smoke. I am not inadequate it is usually the they are not adequate enough for me. but thank you for your education

  4. I got diagnosed with this when I clearly have borderline pd, I told the doctor and he said "so what? the treatment is the same". doctors in the UK don't give a shit about mental health.

  5. New subscriber here. Kati, am I wrong to keep the Mike Pence rule? I never allow myself to be alone with a female for fear of false allegations, whether in the workplace or personally.

  6. I tick all those boxes; ergo I live a life of solitude. I don’t recommend it as a lifestyle choice
    Happy to have subbed, my only interactions with folk is like this.

  7. I feel all the people with this problem should have a convention (including me) 😄 since we are all disappointed in humanity

  8. Does this include pretending you are not home when people are knocking, pretending you didn't read invitations to go out, running away when your parents want to force you to talk to someone on the phone etc. etc….😄

  9. Delete your social media, pick up your phone & call the people who are supposed your "friends". You are all being brainwashed successfully (including you, author).

  10. I like people but only in short bursts… 30….45 seconds tops…. After that you have to listen to their stupid bullshit stories.

  11. I have none of these symptoms I just don’t like talking, I can and will go mute when I subconsciously don’t want to talk. So I just try to stay away from people because they expect me to respond.

  12. PDO adhs aspergers and others on spectrums are multiplying like gender labels , its getting a bit to much . Can I go to the shops or work and get bullied like I do without demanding I have a disorder?

  13. When I worked with people as a psychologist and counsellor, I really enjoyed building relationships, collaborating with people and making a difference.
    However, within the social sphere I am fairly avoidant (sub clinical) and get very caught up in my self-doubt story.
    The older I get (now 55) the more avoidant I get. I'm turning into a grumpy old lady! Just can't be bothered with others (including family) much of the time and am becoming increasingly solitary. Works for me at the moment, though and when it stops working, I'll do something about it.

  14. You do have to be body dismorphic to know people don't like poor, older disabled single women. You already know what is going on and what is going to happen.

  15. Even talking to a cashier or getting instructions from my boss is so intense I find it hard to remember what I was told, or what was said.

  16. I can only socialize so much before it mentally and physically exhausts me so I limit my time with people. I put a lot of effort into being very friendly because of my job but at the end of the day I have nothing left. When I have time alone I love it, I don’t feel lonely – alone time refreshes me.

  17. What if you have a good reason for avoiding people, such as having a very different worldview and values from them, that you already know they won't understand nor respect, so it's easier to avoid people rather than waste your energy trying to explain yourself to people only to be worse off for it?

  18. Its not that I don't want a relationship, its that they don't give me a chance. So now I think why even bother and waste my precious time. Either way I know that I will find someone once I've got a good paying job and lots of $$$. Because that is all that they want, even if I were to be hideously ugly and treated them poorly. I still go out and try though, so I haven't given up completely.

  19. In 1985 I had joined the Navy for a six year hitch. It was a stupid idea for me or for my type of personality. I really don't like being around people. Anyway, I had lot's of issues with my asshole of a father who had gone through a divorce with my mom around the time of 1982. I had tried to work with my father in his business but my other brother who had had a different mother who had died was going to be my dad's favorite until he died. And the two of them were both very cruel to me. I had no idea about what I was supposed to do with my life so I joined the Navy. I told the psychiatrist that the Navy made me see about wanting to be away from all of these recruits, about problems with my father. I thought I was telling the man what he wanted to hear. In my mind it was just LET ME OUT of the NAVY. Anyway, I was diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder. I've thought about it off and on for years and wondered how applicable such a term might be. I now work in a half black company. I am a white school bus driver. I have two black bus attendants. One bus attendant quit over the summer. The black women are just RACIST. They will say ANYTHING. They get BORED in the back of the bus. They run out of stuff to talk about. They have little to do. Anyway, I was upstairs on Friday defending myself against a woman who has been on my bus for only THREE MONTHS. She thinks she can invalidate my 17 years of driving and 5 years on a route. She told my manager that the route was only run right and on time when I had been out for 8 days over a drug test issue. And she wants to go behind my back now to call some parents of children. Or she is going to call the district. She would now like to turn me into a pedophile. She's been on this route for THREE MONTHS. She is an eleven year attendant. She is an angry black woman. Anyway, at 56 you DAMN RIGHT I try to AVOID women and social situations. Avoiding people is how I keep from being DEPRESSED and SAD. People are just so FUCKED UP. And yeah, I stopped trying to get a woman in my life because of the PAIN and SUFFERING that so many INFLICTED upon me. Yeah, REJECTION HURTS a person. What else can a person do but to WITHDRAW???? So, NO, I don't want to be CURED of APD. Please, don't help me to TRUST people. I know people too well to trust them.

  20. Remember, folks, if you find that you feel you have this 'disorder', rest assured that there is somebody out there who will be happy to make a profit from your despair.

  21. As a medical professional I am astounded at how a particular personality trait or insecurity is now immediately branded a serious PERSONALITY DISORDER in order to give it gravitas. I am a heterosexual male, I have Penis Avoidant Personality Disorder.

  22. Everybody has some of this. I think it's worse now because of social media. Everybody's online so much, they have forgotten how to be socially interactive with "real" people.

  23. I avoid people because I’m tired of their shit.
    I enjoy my alone time and hangout with family.
    No such thing as a true friend.


  25. If your a guy your perty much isolated being a guy there is no dating cause the guy must initiate. you tend to take jobs low paying if any that no one else wants so you cant afford real theropy . you see people who have no interest in you getting better. who cares if a not so good lookin short no money guy avoids things. I thought it would be easier by now I am almost 60. my suggestion if anyone is interested go to college or go in the military and stay 25 years at least you have friends and enough money were you will attract a gal she might not really love you but so what at least your in there living life. I made the mistake of just one inlistment. something that keeps you locked in keeps you showing up.being a part of things. I guess I cant really give advice because I don't really know what works. if you are short I think they have growing hormones now where you can add a couple inches to your height that's important for love .although if your gay I don't think it matters how tall you are but I cant say for sure . good luck everyone. I think for you younger people I think the world will get a lot better in about 10 years.

  26. i have avpd ,my whole life now is revolved around avoiding human contact, it started out as anxiety, social phobia with panic disorder and also was diagnosed with depression at the age of 11, the same year i was put into foster care due to my mother being abusive in many ways towards me. After getting out of foster care married someone who is a lot like my mom iv'e found out, sometimes he is a friend but can turn just like that. Have not done a lot of things in life due to avoidance, basic things like even getting a bank account or driving. It's not a joke, and if you pick the wrong partner you will be in a type of hell.

  27. What about the opposite interpretation–I am just so tired and bored by how dumb and uninteresting most people are and hate to talk to them as they will probably say something stupid and embarrass themselves.

  28. Hey I win again 7 out of 7 ha ha mum always said I would win at something…
    But seriously is it not normal for people to feel these emotions at some point in their life's, is the difference that severity of these emotions become so great that they interfere with the day to day life''s of the people afflicted thus turning it into a Disorder / Dysfunction ???
    Sorry if this seems obvious to some people I just like to have a clear idea of a concept.

  29. 6 out of 7. "Get in touch with a professional. Keep your cheque book handy". Thanks, I think I'll stick with my AVPD.

  30. Is there a label for those that avoid tasks, responsibilities, and uncomfortable situations, not necessarily interpersonal relationships?

  31. When I was a kid we called it SHY. Stands for nothing… just its just shy. I prescribed that the patient should cry me a river, build me a bridge, and get over it. But do what you want and pay some shrink a pile of cash so you can validate your excuses.

  32. Why are so many traits labelled "disorders"? Is there a "Just Being You Disorder"? That's what most of us suffer from. People are just people. Drop all assumptions, expectations and they become a lot easier to understand.

  33. Seeing clients outside of the therepy room is poor boundries. I would never agree to see a therepist outside of the consulting room.

  34. I can't even really socialize with my family. I've hugged my mother of my own accord once when I was 18. At the moment I'm trying to build up a new friendship with a colleague and we meet each other pretty much every sunday and it is mostly great but somehow there are so many moments where it's just awkward between us because I don't know on what level of intimacy we are on or what I am supposed to say. I am trying to think more about what I can give others during a conversation instead of fearing what I could lose but it's really difficult.

  35. IMHO lots and lots of Hungarian (from where I am) people suffer from AVPD. This is because of the negligence of teachers when it comes to developing the social skills of children and/or because of using the wrong methods while trying to do that. "You should comport yourself." With what? Many, many Hungarian children with social deprivation do not even know what this word means and how exactly they should behave. I have always been socially awkward an I got really a lot of negative feedback for that.
    This leads either to aggression or AVPD. Neither one is good. And many, many Hungarian parents are just not capable of raising a child who "behaves well".

  36. This might be me I always thought I had social anxiety though. Actually what's the difference between social anxiety and avpd?

  37. diagnosed and in a full-time therapy thingy for 9 months, No matter how much therapy or tools you gets I don't think you can fully really cure or heal from it just learn to deal with it :p

  38. I find the anxiety behind the avoidance fear is truly exhausting. I will either come home in tears or I just want to crawl in bed and sleep it off. Your energy is totally drained.

  39. I avoid people because I hate small talk. They’re never interested in what I’m interested in and I’m usually not interested in their stuff. I tried being normal once. It was the worst 3 seconds of my life. And people are cruel.

  40. I feel so comfortable when it’s just me myself and I…I created my own lil world in my head and when humans come around me sometimes I just get so aggravated…I know I have a problem because people’s presence just annoy me for no reason and I would just like for them to stay tf away from me…It jus seems like everyone is the same…Either only care about themselves,annoying,or negative…it’s sad when you are like me and rarely feel any desire to interact with others cause u defenitly will feel left out of EVERYTHING..

  41. Oh shit. This i definitely have been developing since the end of hs. i can’t date or have real relationships. I can be platonic and affectionate but as soon as a line is crossed i lock up. Been dumped for basically neglecting and acting distant. I barely leave my house, only for work, which is ok because i had friends that already worked there and everyone is my age or younger…. etc etc. Too bad I’m too
    Broke for therapy

  42. Oh um this is a thing????????????

    And I had no idea??????????????

    Thought it was just a feeling I had lol…

    Started feeling like it after I got constantly bullied back in middle school lolol

  43. My excuse is I'm tired of being constantly bombarded with negative people and comments. It's where I work that has changed me. I've had friends tell me this and I agree. I work in a highly toxic workplace of negative people and management only makes this all the worse. I'll be retiring in a few years and it can't come soon enough.

  44. I was diagnosed in 2003 but the psychologist/psychiatrist never told me. I only found out a couple of years ago after I read the doctor's notes.

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