I served six years in prison
for drug trafficking. Some of y’all can
probably relate to that, some of y’all, not looking
at nobody in particular. Man, what you in here for? Assault? When you got here,
was you liquored up? Yeah, so they got a tape on you
in that intake going wild? If I asked them people
to run back your video, it’s going to just you be —
This is what I’m-a see. I’m-a just see you
walking in pleasant? “This is where I sit? Okay.” That’s what — Nah, see,
usually, it comes like this. “I don’t give a — Yo, dawg,
it ain’t even me! It ain’t even me!
He put his hand on me first!” [ Laughter ] ♪♪ You know, you one drink —
that most people out there are one drink away
from ending up in jail? I don’t drink dark liquor
at all. Don’t drink dark liquor. If I’m going to drink anything,
and I don’t really drink, but if I’m going to drink,
I’m going to drink a margarita. That’s it. Nobody goes to jail
on a margarita. They sell you a pitcher
of margarita. Do they sell you
a pitcher of Hennessey? Hell no. If you buy a pitcher
of Hennessey, you going straight to prison.
You going to skip jail. You just going to just
wind up in prison, like, “Man, how I get here?” “You drank a pitcher
of Hennessey!” Dark liquor and attitude
get your ass in trouble. So, we coming out the club. My cousin talking loud, X,
Y, and Z, and the officer says, “Hey, brother. Hey, brother. Can you lower your voice?” Because he’s being loud
and belligerent. And we were. We were, you know what I’m saying,
because we’re happy. My cousin want to stand right
by the officer and talk shit. He say, “Hey, man,
don’t tell me how to talk and how loud to talk,”
and stepped towards the officer. The officer said,
“Hey, hey, boy, don’t do that. Don’t take
another step toward me, ’cause I’m going
to stun-gun your ass.” My cousin, on that liquor, “Hey, the hell you mean
you gon’ stun-gun me?” Margaritas. Margaritas.
I got good understanding. I’m margarita. I stay down.
I say, “Hey, stun gun, means he’s going to
electrocute you, dawg. He’s about to electrocute you.
That’s what he’s trying to do. Electrocution is
about to happen, son.” My cousin —
But I knew what happen. My cousin in a fraternity, and that man said
don’t step towards him. And I know that’s all my cousin
heard was don’t step, ’cause his response was, “Man, don’t tell me
not to goddamn step. I’ll step on over this bitch!” As soon as he spun around,
that man stun-gunned his ass. And what I’m mad about,
my cousin gon’ grab me, and now we both… [ Laughter ] I done fought a lot.
I done had a lot of fights. You look at my face. I got all type of scars
and scratches. I done earned each
and every last one of them. Now, I ain’t never been bullied. I had a good mama.
I had a good parent that said, “Hey, ain’t no
bullying in life for us, baby. You going to be too small
to get bullied. You going to be tough.” My mama grab me.
I’m about 6 years old. I’m walking through the house.
My mama grabbed me by my shirt. “Hey, boy, let me
tell you something. Either you fight in the street
or you fight me.” I’m like, “Shit,
what you heard? I’m 6.” [ Laughter ] So you learn
that you going to fight. I never got bullied, man. Let me tell you a story.
I’m at the basketball court. Me and this dude get into it. I beat him up. His three brothers come back,
jump on me, beat me up. I go home. I go home. I’m sitting on the couch.
My mom walked in. “Hey, boy, what’s wrong
with you?” I say, “Um, these three boys jumped on me
at the basketball court. You know what I’m saying?”
She said, “Shit. They damn sure
whooped your ass, got you in here looking like
Cuba Gooding Jr. in ‘Boyz n the Hood’
after Rickie got killed.” If you never saw the movie,
that mean I had blood all over. So my mama told my sister,
“Hey, go get my purse. We about to go back down there.” And I’m sitting there like this. I don’t want to go back
down there. I just told you they jumping
on people down there. I just told you that. My mama said,
“Get your ass up, boy.” You know how embarrassing it is
to walk to a fight with your mama and your sister? You don’t even want to go.
You’re walking slow. Come on. Bring your ass on. Get down there. Mama’s like,
Point them out!” [ Laughter ] My mama got them boys together. “Come here, you little
ignorant ass boy. Let me tell you something.
You don’t jump on my damn son. You want to fight my son, fight
my son right now, one-on-one.” I was like this. [ Laughter ] Five fights in one day? I told my mama, “To the side.
Let me talk to you. Let me talk to you.
Let me talk to you.” I told my mama, “Hey,
hey, hey, hey, hey, I thought you was coming
down here to fight.” I say, “What is in your purse?
‘Cause we gon’ need it. Whatever’s in your purse,
we gon’ need it.” My mama, she made me fight them
boys, made me fight them boys. I beat up two of them and lost the third fight
out of pure exhaustion. Don’t nobody have no goddamn
five fights in one day. [ Laughter ] ♪♪

100 thoughts on “When Your Mom Forces You to Fight a Bully – Ali Siddiq”

  1. I was drinking sum then he said I’m gonna step all over ever this bitch and it went in my nose in the drink

  2. I was thinking the whole time, “is someone going to run up on him!? ?” I couldn’t even focus watching this ? Salute this man!!

  3. When I was in 5th grade I ran away from a fight. My grandma said either you fight him or you fight me.

    Boy I beat that bitches ass.

  4. Much respect to Ali doing this stand up for forgotten brothers and sisters that’s the example of being a great comedian and actor Allah bless his heart.

  5. I had a boy that used to bully me when I was around 8. My mom walked me down the street in my karate outfit and drew a circle in the street. I got in the circle and the bully never came in. And that was the end of that.

  6. Not lying about dark liquor funny that this country wants to outlaw things like kratom cannabis and other things but they allow people and worse advertise to people the worst drug ever, alcohol! There are more deaths more violence than any cannabis or kratom or any psychedelics!

  7. I love his comedy, but his personality leaves a bit to be desired. I went to his Instagram and he tends to be very short even to those who are showing him support.

  8. So this is the punishment you get for breaking the law, stand up shows? Shiiiet I might have to hit up jail then.

  9. Personally i prefer fighting a big dude than a guy my size. 5'3" odds are he is just as comfortable with violence than a 6'+ awkward moving dude who got by with intimidation only. Hence why i could, but wouldn't apply to be a bouncer. I'd be have to fight every night.

  10. Getting jumped is not an easy thing: you first gotta cover your privates and your face. Anything after that, you hope and pray, and hope you can git up, and punch someone in the face

  11. I’m not gonna lie I used to tell my boys this if a bully or anyone beat they’re ass
    “If you don’t go and whoop they ass I’m gonna beat your ass” my kids never came home beat up

  12. For some reason I'm the only person who remembers when Ali had braids, on BET's "Comic View" & told the story/joke about how "good pussy" can change a man. Lol. Also, Ali was in Lil' Keke's "Chunk Up the Deuce" music video with Bun B & Paul Wall.

  13. Bad in the early 90's to lose a fight at school. If I lost the fight then thats 1 asswhoopin..then the principal had his turn with a big ass paddle that's 2 asswhoopins..then mom with a switch or broom or belt whichever she could grab first so that's 3 asswhoopins in 1 day. Needless to say I didn't lose any fights at school and only ever got 2 asswhoopins in 1 day XD

  14. Love this guy but I’m honestly just writing this comment cuz we at 666 comments and I can’t have that

  15. That momma story was too real.. I remember the first time I came home busted up after a fight.. my Grammy whooped my ass talmbout how she ain't feeding her daughters son all that good food so he can get whooped by some pansies. .on god I never lost another fight in my life

  16. I couldn't help but notice all the prisoners at the top sitting down but how were they able to see the show from where they were sitting. 1:40

  17. And look how well that turned out. Jail. Granted it was for drug trafficking, but that was only what you got caught for. Had your mom taught you better, your tiny brain at that time wouldn't have developed into a way that accepted criminal actions as ok. Your mom did you no favors. She probably taught you that white people are racist too, and handed you a gold plated crutch.

  18. Only five you got off easy either fight half a damn School bro well of boarding school first started attending Public School listen them kids tried to bully me because I didn't talk like them I spoke proper English black girl with real long hair my own no perm and nothing just all natural and pretty and long they hated the shit out of me plus I looked a little different you could tell I was kind of mix just by looking at me

  19. Police brutality is definitely a problem in this country, but I must say I’ve never seen a cop pick on a man for just being black (though I’m sure it happens in someway shape or form) but I sure as hell have been around a lot of black guys when they’re causing problems for cops and being unnecessarily belligerent… I am white, and not pro cop in any sense, but I gotta say when a cop speaks to me you best believe I fish out my halo ? outta my back pocket act like a kid accepting first communion or some shit… yes sir, no sir… it ain’t hard, just be straight, don’t square him up cause there’s no winning in it and the interaction will be fine… a lot of these black dudes I’ve seen were talking about unfair police treatment while breaking the law, and talking about unfair police treatment while they are subtly threatening the cop… what it comes down to in my eyes is a problem with authority (obviously) but also a difference in community socialization… something they’re teaching in schools now called social emotional learning… and it’s true I’ve known a lot of black dudes in my time, none exactly a like, but a majority maybe 80- 85% have had a real issue in social settings and realizing how no to be loud and create a seen… just a difference in success of parenting along with social expectations I guess… which doesn’t make someone bad but I’d say more likely or destined for conflict

  20. It’s crazy how many of us have a story like this lol

    My uncle made me fight 3 dudes and I won 2 and lost the last lol

  21. Don't tell me not to goddamn step I'll ??STEP ALL OVER THIS ??BITCH!

    3 days straight now I been laughing at that part ???

  22. Now this is back in the fifties. I came in the house one time got beat up and crying. My mama and her sister was there both crazy as hell. I'm about 8 years old and the boy was about 11 years old bigger than me. We're all playing baseball in the alley in Detroit.
    My aunt went to the Ally gave me a board with some Nails in it Told go back up there and hit him. Both of my mama and my aunt were peeking out from behind the garage. I hit him upside his shoulder and he ran home crying. That was a vicious moment I didn't even like it and never did it again.
    Did 10 years in the joint in the 70s. Never been back. Retired Mental Health case manager now. In my work I've worked with Many ex-convicts.

  23. Betting, its not in me or my blood I hate it especially wen i lose den I see d Person I lost 2 spend my money in front of me im like those were mine 5 sec ago. I will do anything 2 get my money back, I suck ur dick, wipe ur ass I will do anything, d dude be like its just a dollar.#comedyhustle #OneLove #ThankGod
    Will love to work with you

  24. My parents would make me do the same god damn thing like if it were street fighter third strike or some shit like wtf man

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